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WATCHERS - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1983 Canadian Entertainment Investors #2.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Travis - Corey Haim! Voted "Canadian kid with the biggest hair."
  • Furface - Genetically engineered golden retriever with super intelligence.
  • Agent Johnson - Michael Ironsides! Highly trained government agent tasked with capturing Furface and the OXCOM.
  • Nora - Travis' mom and um... ...nevermind, leave it at that.
  • Sheriff Gaines - Barely literate law enforcement, killed by Johnson for nearly learning the truth.
  • Deputy Porter - Manly woman who believes in Sasquatch, mutilated by the OXCOM.
  • Hockney - Local handyman who takes care of Nora's appliances, he'd like to service a whole lot more. Unfortunately you can't kiss a girl after something rips your head off.
  • Cliff - The other government agent, develops a bad case of morals and Johnson shoots him for it.
  • OXCOM - Genetic freak created by the government, it appears to be a very large and hateful orangutan.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Corey Haim, a dog, Dean Koontz, Michael Ironsides, and a really mean orangutan come bounding out of Canada in this horrid little piece. One of these days we're going to get tired of your shit Canucks, then it's all over... ...anyway, the film isn't THAT bad actually.

Somewhere a secret government project is underway; a genetic experiment to create the ultimate warriors. Using special dogs as homing beacons, the OXCOMs will kill every human around the pooch. It's the old, "Hi how're you doing, I'm a dog, feed me, pet me, say hello to death in a monkey suit." trick, too bad it wouldn't work in Vietnam. One little problem, the OXCOMs hate the canines for some reason - killing the dogs whenever possible. (Oops!)

The lab is sabotaged by some other government and only two of the experimental animals survive, Furface and OXCOM 7. So all the sudden Corey Haim has a golden retriever in the back of his pickup. He takes the animal home and makes love to it. Okay, okay, that didn't happen, but you still have to admit he shouldn't have been in bed with it like that.

Along with the OXCOM killing people at random there are other problems: agent Johnson and the government. Faced with impossible odds the young man takes the only avenue of escape open: flee to a wilderness cabin and bust out some serious A-Team stuff. (His dad was in the Special Forces.) Molotov cocktails, motion sensors, a bayonet strapped to his ankle, and this crazy fragmentation device are only a few of the treats. Against his animal cunning the ultimate biological weapon and trained government killers are no match. Corey saves mom, his girlfriend, and the dog.

How was the monster supposed to defeat armies when one kid with a lever action rifle does the trick? Well, it does nearly kill the inexperienced lad by using an extremely convincing "I'm dead now, turn your back." act.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Dogs are naturally fire resistant.
  • Genetically engineered monsters have deviated septums.
  • Dogs love trucks! (Hehehe!)
  • VHS tapes are highly flammable.
  • Dogs can't type.
  • Gorilla monsters hate bicycles.
  • Deputies are excellent conductors of electricity.
  • Golden Retrievers don't bounce.
  • During the sexual discovery years of puberty a boy shouldn't be sleeping naked with a dog.
  • Corey Haim is MacGuyver's illegitimate son.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - Based on a novel and produced by Roger Corman, this is going to be loads of fun.
  • 29 mins - A dog IQ test?
  • 30 mins - Those are brand new boots the nasty backwoods guy is wearing.
  • 46 mins - What, does this thing hate teddy bears too? What if we didn't read the book, could you explain that plot point? Helloooooo?
  • 50 mins - Stop running and shoot the darn thing.
  • 65 mins - Dude is a freak!
  • 81 mins - Goodbye Cliff.
  • 82 mins - Of all the stupid plot points...
  • 83 mins - Quite a manly scream there Corey.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note watchers1.wav Agent Johnson: "Remember I told you there were three biological experiments at (unintelligible): the OXCOM, the dog, and their best's me, Cliff. I'm their third experiment!"
Green Music Note watchers2.wav Gaines: "Porter when you gonna grow up? There ain't no Tooth Fairy, there ain't no Santa Claus, and there ain't no Sasquatch."
Porter: "Well why would a Grizzly rip a man's eyes out?"
Green Music Note watchers3.wav Travis: "Now I got big problems. I mean stuff that dogs don't understand."
Green Music Note watchers4.wav Gaines: "Well why doesn't somebody reason with it? Can't you control it? It's gotta be stopped."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 



 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipwatchers1.mpg - 2.1m
Monsters hate Jason Priestly on a bike.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 [2] 3
Reply #9. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Wade Greyfox
I went to college with Dean and co-edited the literary magazine--I was poetry editor, he was short story editor.  Some of us thought he was kind of an a***ole, since he never wanted to party, smoke dope or go on roadtrips--all he wanted to do was write.  Now he's in California and worth a gazillion buckx--I'm in Alaska and went bankrupt a year or so ago, supporting my family by selling knives, jewelry and stuff out of the back of my 1984 Eagle.  Go figure!
Reply #10. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Georgiann
I can't be objective about the movie, because they totally distorted one of my favorite books, Dean Koontz' "Watchers."  That had characters you actually cared about, a loveable, miraculous dog and a terrifying, and at the same time, pitiful monster, the Outsider.  Oh well...  
Reply #11. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Nobody
Movies made from books are never worth the time.

Koontz oughta sue these a***oles.
Reply #12. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Roy Smith
The book is a masterpiece with human characters that surpass anything Stephen King has ever managed.  The movie totally destroys the book.  The hero is now Corey Haim (doesn't look like a 30ish ex-special forces kinda' guy do he?), Nora is now his mom and not his girlfriend and her backstroy is ignored and she's generic as Hell, the investigator and the sherrif were very close friends in the book.  The changes are too many and the soul of the book is killed completely.  Forget legal action, Koontz should have the people responsible for this killed.  Image Stephen King's the Stand with an all midget cast and redone as a comedy to find something equally wrong.
Reply #13. Posted on April 03, 2002, 03:03:51 PM by Kaoslord
Nora is his mom!  This confirms a long held belief of mine that based on a novel means the guy who wrote the screenplay read the book jacket and had a funny dream that night.
Reply #14. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Ernst Bitterman
I'd like to apologize to the world at large for the sloppy way the government of Canada hands out Film Tax Credits (although, the good, pre-LA seasons of "The X-Files" was made up here too). It encouraged the making of a lot of crap movies from the late 70's to the early 90's, and we're all sorry.
Reply #15. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Dave:Blackeye15
I just watched the movie and I'd say I had good old time. 3/5 just because it was fun fun fun.

-the first rule of fat club-
Reply #16. Posted on May 25, 2004, 06:38:12 PM by Matt
Ok this movie is one of my favorite movies, they made the monster look really really sweet...hmmm well catch ya lata
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