Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"

Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT


BLOODSPORT - 3 Slimes
Rated R
1988 Cannon Films/U.G.C. Worldwide Distribution
Reviewed by Todd Phillips on 18 February 2003

The Characters:  

  • Frank Dux - Jean Claude Van Damme in all his Belgian glory! Frank wishes to earn respect for his master and defeat Chong Li for breaking his friend, Ray. Kicks the snot out of Chong.
  • Chong Li - Bolo Yeung! He is the master of breaking people and their friends. Has won the last few tournaments and has humongous man-breasts. Gets his ass handed to him by Frank.
  • Mr. Lin - Frank and Ray's tour guide. Armed with a pair of glasses and a mullet, he must keep them in line and make sure they "can step up onto the runway and not get killed," as he put it.
  • Ray Jackson - Ogre from the Revenge of the Nerds movies! He likes to drink beer, hit on Asian chicks, and get his head knocked in by Chong Li.
  • Janice Kent - Reporter trying to get the big scoop on the Kumite, which is kind of odd, considering that every time she sees someone get hit, she gets repulsed.
  • Hossein - Not to be outdone by the Asian stereotypes in the movie, Hossein steps in to add a dose of Arab charm to the Kumite. Gets beaten twice in a ten second period.
  • Rawlins and Helmer - Forest Whitaker and some old guy! They are the ones sent out to bring Frank back to America, by way of 50,000 volts.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Out of all of Jean Claude's movies, I think this is the one he is most well-known for...that and maybe playing the Gay Karate man in Monaco Forever. But, enough about that, we are here to learn about the greatest martial arts film of all time! At least it is to people who like to drive motorcycles into flaming McDonald's toys and eat urinal cakes.

Frank Dux is a military man with plans to go AWOL and enter the Kumite in Hong Kong to honor his Shidoshi, Master Tanaka, who converted Frank from Corky from Life Goes On to a lean, mean Belgian fighting machine. His CO does not take too kindly to this, and sends Helmer and Rawlins to bring him back. Once in HK, Frank meets Ray Jackson, our favorite mentally challenged fighter. After kicking his ass in Karate Champ, Frank befriends the lovable oaf and both of them meet up with Mr. Lin, who promptly butchers the hell out of Frank's last name and takes them to the arena. Frank kills some poor, innocent bricks there and meets Chong Li, the previous winner and person-breaker extraordinaire. I don't think there is one line from this guy that doesn't have something to do with destroying things. I always thought that he was going to turn green and yell out "CHONG LI SMASH!"

We then meet reporter Janice Kent, who is talking with Hossein and his cohorts, who seem to be giving Janice an offer to ride the Arab Express. Frank saves her from the group by doing some coin trickery and making Hossein look like a complete ass. Janice is willing to do anything (*bompchickawahwah*, just not with Arab guys with gold teeth) to get a story on the Kumite, so she lets Frank take her out to dinner the next day and play "hide the salami." Even after all that, he doesn't tell her anything. Come on, guy! She gave you a piece, the least you could do for her is lay down some info!

Anyway, the tournament begins and we are treated to a bunch of fighters whose only purpose is to get the crap knocked out of them, become severely injured or die. As luck would have it, Frank's first opponent is Hossein. The match lasts all of about ten seconds, resulting in Hossein not getting beaten once, but twice. Ray's first fight turns out okay, but then he makes the mistake of taunting Chong Li and hurting his feelings (maybe he doesn't show it, but he probably went back into the locker rooms and cried). Speaking of which, we also get to see Chong Li in action as well and, as expected, he's pretty damn good at breaking people within a short amount of time.

Frank continues to do okay, but, because Ray decided to be mean to Chong last time, he gets beat down by him and ends up in the hospital. Hell hath no fury like a buff guy with hurt feelings. Frank swears revenge, upsetting Janice in the process, who does not want to see Frank get hurt. To try and stop Frank, she goes to Helmer and Rawlins (who this whole time kind of bumbled about Hong Kong like jackasses), who decide that the best way to save him from a possible beat-down is to blast him in the nuts with tazers (well, maybe not in the nuts, but that would be funny if they did). Their plan fails miserably, as expected, when Frank easily protects himself from both them and some of Hong Kong's finest armed with only his gym bag and a trash can lid.

As if his day couldn't get any crazier, during his battle with Chong Li, Chong decides to reach deep down into the Pro Wrestling Bag 'o Tricks by grinding up a pill and throwing the powder in Frank's eyes. This leads to a few cheap shots, but then...Frank gets pissed! Now, he doesn't start kicking ass right away. He screams at the top of his lungs and does what I have fondly grown to call the "Zombie Moan of Doom" to regain some of his sight and call upon the mystic energies. Then, he starts kicking ass, giving Chong a bunch of shots and finishing him off with the trademark kick that Van Damme does in every one of his movies. After winning the whole thing, he goes back to see Ray one last time, who seems to have gotten a lot better than he was in the previous day and drinking beer no less. I guess that goes to show you that you can't keep a good Ogre down.

In the end, everyone gets what they wanted: Frank was able to honor his Shidoshi without having to take 50,000 volts to the balls, Helmer and Rawlins got to take Frank back to the States, Janice got information on the Kumite and a hot beef injection and Ray was able to kill his liver and his brain a little more. Now, if that isn't a happy ending, I don't know what is.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • By moaning like a zombie, one can regain their vision.
  • Security on military bases are extremely sparse.
  • Just about anyone can get into the Kumite, including Grace Jones lookalikes.
  • There are fighting arenas in the middle of the Hong Kong slums. (Isn't there one in every slum?)
  • Doing splits is a relaxing experience.
  • Never hurt the feelings of a buff Chinese guy. Only bad things will occur.
  • The best way to learn to learn focus is to be tied to trees and almost have your limbs ripped out of their sockets.
  • Arab guys are not the ladies' men they are cracked up to be.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - Insert training montage with minor characters no one gives a damn about.
  • 6 mins - He-he...young Frank looks reminds me of Corky from Life Goes On.
  • 12 mins - Master Tanaka gets to fight with sticks? What a cheap bastard!
  • 16 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A SMALL TREE!
  • 19 mins - Ogre is such the ladies' man. *snicker*
  • 20 mins - Old-school gaming goodness, with Frank and Ray!
  • 28 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A BRICK!
  • 34 mins - Now would be the perfect time to kick Frank in the jimmy.
  • 43 mins - Kumite! Kumite! Kumite!
  • 50 mins - This one is for all the ladies. Everyone else should look away now.
  • 56 mins - Holy s**t! The bone's poking right through the skin!
  • 67 mins - Doing the splits helps me draw out my inner strength, too.
  • 68 mins - This guy is laughing about how stupid Frank looked when he was younger.
  • 81 mins - Wait a minute, wouldn't that pill have dissolved in his crotch sweat?
  • 83 mins - Who would've thought that screaming and moaning like a zombie would give one extrasensory vision.
  • 87 mins - Cool! They let you drink beer in Hong Kong hospitals!
  • 89 mins - Oooooo...impressive resume.

Quotes: 

  • Frank Dux - "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
  • Chong Li - "Very good, but brick not hit back!"
  • Ray Jackson - "Alright, Frankie!"
  • Ray Jackson - "What the hell is a Dim Mack?"
  • Old Asian Guy - "Okay, U.S.A.!"
  • Hossein's lackey - "It is the American ****-head who does tricks with bricks!"
  • Lin - "Are you Jackson? You look like a Jackson. That must make you Frank Ducks!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note bloodsport1.wav Frank: "Teach me. I can do it."
Master: "You are not Japanese. You are not a Tanaka!"
Green Music Note bloodsport2.wav Rawlins: "Frank, read my lips. We are taking you back now."
Helmer: "Don't make us use fifty thousand volts on you, Frank."
Green Music Note bloodsport3.wav Frank and Janice have a heart to heart.
Green Music Note bloodsport4.wav Chong Li: "You break my record. Now I break you, like I break your friend."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
ImageImageImage
Image


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipbloodsport1.mpg - 2.1m
Frank fighting as Chong Li looks on. Of course, Janice and Ray are watching too.

 Leave a commentEXTRASBuy the movie 

Share It!Buy the movieIMDB Logo
Stumble This ReviewStumble This Review
Digg This ReviewDigg This Review
Buy it from Amazon.com (United States)

Buy it from Movies Unlimited (United States)

Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3] 4
Bloodsport
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Simon
Yeah!!!
Bloodsport was and still is definatley one of the best classic martial arts movie of all time (hopefully his next movie kumite will overcome bloodsport's success and rep, and reignite his career). Another thing i personally think is that jcvd is the one of the best action hero's around due to the amount of training one has to do to maintain muscular physique and be totally flexible at the sametime. Its HARD!!
Bloodsport and kickboxer are both cool.
Bloodsport
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by tom
Great review!  I love Bloodsport--it's just the kind of movie you love to see come on TBS on a Saturday afternoon after taking a shower.  You sit there in a towel eating peanut butter and flipping back and forth between cheesy martial arts and college football.  Hot s**t.

tom
underscorebleach.net
Bloodsport
Reply #19. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Medweasel
Well, for all of you'll wondering what happened to Jean Claude VanDamme, he got hooked onto Cocaine like alot of actors do, he probably started using it for pain, I'm sure alot of those action sequences do hurt, and he spiraled downhill. He lost alot of his body weight and physique from it. You'll notice in some of his newer movies how much skinnier he is. It's not all from getting older. He eventually got off the crack and started his career up again. It might take him a while if ever. I'm sure he burned alot of bridges with his addiction, hence the cheesy cheep movies. But the important thing is that he's off the dope. He has admitted that he is a true martial artist but alot of the stuff he does on camera wouldn't be practical whatsoever in a real fight. He's had to learn camera martial arts. But anyone who can do the splits like that must've had real training. When I was younger. I used to flex my body for hours a day and I never could get close to doing the splits like that, not do I think I wanted to, it looks painful, hehe.
Anyway, that's what happened to him, do a search about it. Hes doing good now but his career isn't. Hopefully, he's still got alot of money left, it doesn't take long to spend even millions on cocaine. Trust me, I know. It's a horrible addiction, just like any addiction. Hopefully, he'll have one or two more good movies in him. Unless he's going to be in Scooby Doo 3 or Scream 82 then he should be okay.
Bloodsport
Reply #20. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Kevin
Hey man, awesome site, Bloodsport is so much fun to watch, I've probably watched it a million times with my buddy.  Always quoting classic lines like "You Jackson?  You look like a Jackson, that must make you Frank Ducks"  Or my personal favorite "What the hell is a Dim Mack!"  "Death Touch", so anyways, just wondering if maybe you can post some quotes in sound waves from Jackson like, "First time in the Kumite and he breaks the world record" or "What the Hell is a Dim Mack", just some classic Jackson lines
Bloodsport
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by review
Ever wonder why van damme got to make so many crappy movies.  Well here it is.  I just saw this little gem and it's quickly making it's way to the top of my all time favorite martial arts movies.  Too bad he went downhill so fast.  And to address the reviewer, Frank didn't shake off the blindness he fought in spite of it incase you didn't catch that part.
Bloodsport
Reply #22. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Pete
Bloodsport is one of the best martial art movies from the 80's.It was sad to see him derail his carrer.The good news is Van Damme has come back to Quality Movies like Replicant,In Hell,and Wake of Death.He seems to have grip on things now.His upcoming flicks sound good.In Till Death,he'll play a herion-addicted-cop oppisitte Stephen Rea.He has a part in a 70-million Dollar french movie.Asterix 3.He also Has the Hard Corps due for theater release this year.And an offical Sequel to Bloodsport to film in the summer or fall.He might be back indeed.
Bloodsport
Reply #23. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Mark
Just watched Bloodsport again tonight.  It may be a cheesy 80's movie but i still thinks it rocks! I seriously am starting to have a crush on the chick who played Janice, she is so hot!!!!!!!!!  The film also brings back personal memories for me because i lived in hong kong during the same time period the movie was filmed.  My favorite part of the movie is the scene in the hotel with Hussein and Frank fighting for Janice. ''You are coming upstairs with me for an interview" hahahaha
Bloodsport
Reply #24. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Adam
Blood Sport is by far one of Van Damage's best movies but just out of a bit of interest did anyone ever notice a very young Van Damme in 1984's Breakin. Van Damme dancing it up whilst watching the break dancers is truly one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4
 Share on Facebook
RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


Recommended Articles
How To Find A Bad Movie

The Champions of Justice

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Manos, The Hands of Fate

Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

The Human Tornado

Maniac

The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Do you have a zombie plan?

FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact
Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with Fair Use, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.