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CHOPPING MALL - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1986 Trinity Pictures/Concord Pictures
Reviewed by Matt Steenburg on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Alison Parks - The heroine of our story, can do some pretty impressive things because her father was a Marine.
  • Ferdy Meisel - The geek who tags along with the whole gang. He is setup with Alison to keep him quiet about the party.
  • Greg - Fairly level-headed guy until he sees his girlfriend get a crispy death. Then he looses it, in more than one way.
  • Suzie - Greg's girlfriend, she flips out for no apparent reason and convinces all the girls to leave the safe air duct. Always a good idea when killer robots are around.
  • Michael - He's the one with the beer. Chews his gum very annoyingly. I was glad to see him go.
  • Leslie - Michael's girlfriend. Gets chased around by the robots and then her head explodes.
  • Linda - Married to Rick, accidentally runs into a laser beam and dies.
  • Rick - The tough "Rambo" type. After seeing Linda killed he drives a golf cart into a robot.
  • Protector's - A lightning bolt turns these robots into killbots. (I didn't make that up it's off the box) At first I thought it was Johnny 5.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

A group of four couples plan a party at the local furniture store where three of the guys work. They just happen to plan it on the first night the new security system comes into play. The security system includes 3 protector robots and large steel doors that lock at 12:00a.m. sharp and don't open until sunrise. Having said that nothing can go wrong with this security system, something does. The rooftop computer is struck by lightning and the robots turn into out of control killers attacking everyone in sight with their armament. The teens try to figure out a way to kill these robots, as the robots kill off the teens in many different ways. This movie at first glance was not that impressive, but after a second watch all the subtle bits came out. It's a toss up between 3 and 4 slimes.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Electrocuting people for petty theft isn't illegal.
  • Malls need to be more secure than a bank vault.
  • When you say a system is absolutely foolproof you are a moron.
  • Old people get off on watching young people make-out.
  • All malls should advertise with bikini clad women.
  • Putting large metal computers on a rooftop is not a good idea.
  • It will take three lightning bolts to have any effect on a computer.
  • Instruction manuals have nude centerfolds.
  • People who own automotive shops know nothing about cars, their girlfriends on the other hand...
  • Horny males are terrible at lying.
  • Robots are smart enough and have the ability to clean up after they murder somebody.
  • People in movies can hear the soundtracks.
  • When going out into a mall secured by robots do not, I REPEAT, do not close the door behind you.
  • Clothing shields laser beams.
  • Watching somebody's head explode will not invoke fear.
  • Security robots are armed with lasers powerful enough to explode a person's head.
  • Pillows can explode.
  • Security robots are armed with C4.
  • Safe air ducts are extremely frightening.
  • Robots have blood.
  • Robots can read our minds.
  • Molotov cocktails are extremely ineffective when used against fast moving robots.
  • Security robots are armed with cutting torches.
  • Marine training is inherited through genes.
  • It's always a better idea to run around a mall with killer robots than to stay hiding where it is safe.
  • Go figure, I thought everybody was used to "being chased around a mall in the middle of the night by killer robots."
  • Spiders and snakes are attracted to people who are hiding.
  • Falling three stories onto a tent doesn't hurt.
  • Paint mixed with paint thinner creates a powerful explosive.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 6 mins - Ok if it is that high security how come nobody saw the kid with the huge box under his shirt?
  • 9 mins - Watch in amazement as the lightning bolts come out of a clear sky and only hit the mall.
  • 10 mins - That was quick, one guy dead already.
  • 17 mins - Why is this guy talking to the robots?
  • 23 mins - He just told his girlfriend she smells like pepperoni. A compliment like that should get her in the mood.
  • 24 mins - THAT LINE WORKED?
  • 27 mins - Hey it's that guy, you know, the guy.
  • 31 mins - He just told the robot, "klattu verata nicktu."
  • 34 mins - That head explosion was impressive.
  • 43 mins - That robot just hid...
  • 53 mins - That robot with the big treads just rode up the escalator?
  • 63 mins - I can't believe he just threw the gun at the robot.
  • 68 mins - There is that military training coming into play again.
  • 71 mins - She barely touched that glass and it shattered.
  • 74 mins - She forgets what leg she is limping on and limps on them both to make up for it.

Quotes: 

  • Janitor: "You clumsy son of a bitch! Look what you did, I ought to turn you into scrap metal for this!"
    Protector: "May I see your identification badge please?"
  • Alison: "What is it with those two anyway?"
    Ferdy: "Personally I can't figure it out, all they do is have sex and fight."
    Alison: "Like most couples..."
    Ferdy: "Yeah."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note chopmall1.wav Protector 2: "Protector 2 going on line, level 2."
Green Music Note chopmall2.wav Suzie: "They know we're in here, they're trying to french fry us!"
Green Music Note chopmall3.wav Ferdy: "Nice shot!"
Alison: "Dad's a Marine."
Green Music Note chopmall4.wav Linda: "I guess I'm just not used to being chased around a mall, in the middle of the night, by killer robots."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipchopmall1.mpg - 2.2m
Exploding head!

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3
Chopping Mall
Reply #1. Posted on February 13, 2000, 05:51:01 PM by Suspiria2003RM@aol.com
This movie is really great and very underrated. I talked to Anchor Bay about releasing it on DVD and Chuck Cirino, who composed the music, might release a limited soundtrack for eBay and Amazon auctions.
Chopping Mall
Reply #2. Posted on February 20, 2000, 07:21:51 AM by
This movies is rated way too high here. It is seriously BAD. I mean, it has NO redeeming features whatsoever. It's just dumb-teenagers-getting-killed-by-cheap-monsters. The Killer Robots are about as terriying as Dexter from "Perfect Match". Not good.
Chopping Mall
Reply #3. Posted on August 19, 2000, 02:43:11 AM by Dr. Axeman
This movie was released to video when I was about 8 years old; and I don't remember it being released in theaters. So, it played a small part in my childhood introduction to cheesy 80's horror flicks. Anyway, I agree that this movie is VERY underrated, and however tacky it may be, I believe it's a classic horror flick. I mean, look at the plot! Even for a horror film, it's pretty original. I love any movie with killer-robots of such design. On a side-note, I don't know why everyone keeps referring to the characters as "teenagers" when the cast is obviously in their mid to late 20's. PLUS, one couple in the movie was recently MARRIED!! So, do your homework before criticizing this cheesy masterpiece.
Chopping Mall
Reply #4. Posted on December 18, 2000, 01:03:45 PM by Philippa
I love this movie and i think its funny in some parts and i fancy the guy who chews his chewing gum!e-mail with any info
Chopping Mall
Reply #5. Posted on December 18, 2000, 01:07:08 PM by Natalie
I just want to say i loved this movie it was very cleverly made i loved the part when that girls head got splatter all over the place!I was just wondering what is kelli maroney upto now?
Chopping Mall
Reply #6. Posted on December 24, 2000, 07:56:21 PM by terry beach
The best sci-fi-horror movie ever made. Kelley Maroney rules as useual!! The best movie Kelley Maroney ever made!!!
Chopping Mall
Reply #7. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Ruben Zepeda Jr.
Well I think this movies is Exciting, funny, and very original! However I do think that there could have been more to the plot of the movies and the robots could have been more of use, Well for the most part this movie is very entertaining! I like the part where Dick Miller get fried!! and where that girl gets shot in her butt right before her head blows up!! it always makes my friends laugh. This movie is a mix from sci-fi to being somewhat realistic and believeable, but come on who would but a computer on a roof, and I wonder why that guy didn't try to do anything when the computers alam went off!!! another cool part is where Barbara Carampton was set on fire by the robots, well anywho this is a great flick for anyone who works at the Mall like me! you can get this great movie on e-bay auctions! :)Thanks
Chopping Mall
Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Jon
A great bad movie. There's the head explosion and the cheesy lines and best of all, people walking around the background of the "closed" mall.
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