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CHOPPING MALL - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1986 Trinity Pictures/Concord Pictures
Reviewed by Matt Steenburg on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Alison Parks - The heroine of our story, can do some pretty impressive things because her father was a Marine.
  • Ferdy Meisel - The geek who tags along with the whole gang. He is setup with Alison to keep him quiet about the party.
  • Greg - Fairly level-headed guy until he sees his girlfriend get a crispy death. Then he looses it, in more than one way.
  • Suzie - Greg's girlfriend, she flips out for no apparent reason and convinces all the girls to leave the safe air duct. Always a good idea when killer robots are around.
  • Michael - He's the one with the beer. Chews his gum very annoyingly. I was glad to see him go.
  • Leslie - Michael's girlfriend. Gets chased around by the robots and then her head explodes.
  • Linda - Married to Rick, accidentally runs into a laser beam and dies.
  • Rick - The tough "Rambo" type. After seeing Linda killed he drives a golf cart into a robot.
  • Protector's - A lightning bolt turns these robots into killbots. (I didn't make that up it's off the box) At first I thought it was Johnny 5.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

A group of four couples plan a party at the local furniture store where three of the guys work. They just happen to plan it on the first night the new security system comes into play. The security system includes 3 protector robots and large steel doors that lock at 12:00a.m. sharp and don't open until sunrise. Having said that nothing can go wrong with this security system, something does. The rooftop computer is struck by lightning and the robots turn into out of control killers attacking everyone in sight with their armament. The teens try to figure out a way to kill these robots, as the robots kill off the teens in many different ways. This movie at first glance was not that impressive, but after a second watch all the subtle bits came out. It's a toss up between 3 and 4 slimes.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Electrocuting people for petty theft isn't illegal.
  • Malls need to be more secure than a bank vault.
  • When you say a system is absolutely foolproof you are a moron.
  • Old people get off on watching young people make-out.
  • All malls should advertise with bikini clad women.
  • Putting large metal computers on a rooftop is not a good idea.
  • It will take three lightning bolts to have any effect on a computer.
  • Instruction manuals have nude centerfolds.
  • People who own automotive shops know nothing about cars, their girlfriends on the other hand...
  • Horny males are terrible at lying.
  • Robots are smart enough and have the ability to clean up after they murder somebody.
  • People in movies can hear the soundtracks.
  • When going out into a mall secured by robots do not, I REPEAT, do not close the door behind you.
  • Clothing shields laser beams.
  • Watching somebody's head explode will not invoke fear.
  • Security robots are armed with lasers powerful enough to explode a person's head.
  • Pillows can explode.
  • Security robots are armed with C4.
  • Safe air ducts are extremely frightening.
  • Robots have blood.
  • Robots can read our minds.
  • Molotov cocktails are extremely ineffective when used against fast moving robots.
  • Security robots are armed with cutting torches.
  • Marine training is inherited through genes.
  • It's always a better idea to run around a mall with killer robots than to stay hiding where it is safe.
  • Go figure, I thought everybody was used to "being chased around a mall in the middle of the night by killer robots."
  • Spiders and snakes are attracted to people who are hiding.
  • Falling three stories onto a tent doesn't hurt.
  • Paint mixed with paint thinner creates a powerful explosive.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 6 mins - Ok if it is that high security how come nobody saw the kid with the huge box under his shirt?
  • 9 mins - Watch in amazement as the lightning bolts come out of a clear sky and only hit the mall.
  • 10 mins - That was quick, one guy dead already.
  • 17 mins - Why is this guy talking to the robots?
  • 23 mins - He just told his girlfriend she smells like pepperoni. A compliment like that should get her in the mood.
  • 24 mins - THAT LINE WORKED?
  • 27 mins - Hey it's that guy, you know, the guy.
  • 31 mins - He just told the robot, "klattu verata nicktu."
  • 34 mins - That head explosion was impressive.
  • 43 mins - That robot just hid...
  • 53 mins - That robot with the big treads just rode up the escalator?
  • 63 mins - I can't believe he just threw the gun at the robot.
  • 68 mins - There is that military training coming into play again.
  • 71 mins - She barely touched that glass and it shattered.
  • 74 mins - She forgets what leg she is limping on and limps on them both to make up for it.

Quotes: 

  • Janitor: "You clumsy son of a bitch! Look what you did, I ought to turn you into scrap metal for this!"
    Protector: "May I see your identification badge please?"
  • Alison: "What is it with those two anyway?"
    Ferdy: "Personally I can't figure it out, all they do is have sex and fight."
    Alison: "Like most couples..."
    Ferdy: "Yeah."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note chopmall1.wav Protector 2: "Protector 2 going on line, level 2."
Green Music Note chopmall2.wav Suzie: "They know we're in here, they're trying to french fry us!"
Green Music Note chopmall3.wav Ferdy: "Nice shot!"
Alison: "Dad's a Marine."
Green Music Note chopmall4.wav Linda: "I guess I'm just not used to being chased around a mall, in the middle of the night, by killer robots."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipchopmall1.mpg - 2.2m
Exploding head!

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3]
Chopping Mall
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by JoJo
This is another one I saw late at night on T.V. I thought it was a lot of fun, a perfect popcorn movie. And it's not supposed to be grade-A stuff anyways. You're not supposed to take this seriously, and the cheezy effects and silly acting only add to the drive-in movie feel. It has everything a Badmovies.org regular could ever want!
Chopping Mall
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Jim Studman
Man, one of the great unknown movies ever.  I feel sorry for any poor soul that has not had the joy to see this film.  I would just like to say that I want to thank anyone involved in making this movie.  I also think that the music is second only to Tchaicovsky's 1812 Overture
Re: Chopping Mall
Reply #19. Posted on October 16, 2007, 08:33:59 PM by Doc Daneeka
My favorite character was Greg, not only does he constantly point out the obvious but he does it in an absolutely hi-larious voice! His only mistake was incorrectly pointing out the obvious: "The coast is clear", failing to notice the fact that he actually glanced at the scene for 0.01 seconds before turning his head away for a dangerously long time. Folks: Do NOT attempt to point out the obvious while drunk. Lookingup BTW, it should be noted that the girls left the air-duct because apparently the Killbots were attempting to "French-Fry" them in there.

I am sad to say I missed Angus Scrimm's cameo Bluesad
Re: Chopping Mall
Reply #20. Posted on August 09, 2009, 02:09:42 PM by Nick Fell
Absolutely hilariously garbage. Most of the sample quotes here should be used during Death Metal tracks...
Re: Chopping Mall
Reply #21. Posted on July 19, 2010, 08:10:39 PM by Suzee Fan
I liked this movie. I absolutely love the gratuitous ass scene! I kept hitting the 7 second rewind button. That is a salad I would toss for hours! The very beautiful Suzee Slater. WOW! Why do the prettiest ones always die some horrible, gruesome death? That's a sin to ruin a face that beautiful. Other than the fact Leslie dies (exploding head) this is an entertaining movie.
Pages: 1 2 [3]
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