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COMMANDO - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1985 Silver Pictures and 20th Century Fox
Reviewed by Bill Clark on 11 July 2001

The Characters:  

  • Col. John Matrix - Arnold Schwarzenegger! Fearless hero who will stop at nothing to save his daughter from evil men.
  • Cindy - Rae Dawn Chong! Innocent bystander turned Arnie's accomplice. Lots of bad acting and puns from her.
  • Arius - Dan Hedaya! Our villain who is determined to make Matrix perform an assassination in order to regain political power. Horrible accent! Takes about four shotgun blasts to the chest.
  • Bennett - Vernon Wells! Arius' main henchman, who also has a military past with Matrix. (What a shock!) Gets impaled by a piece of piping. Shame.
  • Jenny Matrix - Alyssa Milano! Matrix's daughter, who spends most of the movie squealing and trying to escape Arius' compound.
  • Major Gen. Franklin Kirby - Matrix's "boss," so to speak. His job is to warn Matrix of the impending danger.
  • Sully - Another one of Arius' goons. Makes for several hilarious scenes. Dropped off a cliff.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

You'd think that after "The Terminator" the bad guys would know not to mess with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

This is a movie that is hardly plot-driven. It's more of an excuse for Arnold to dispense of the baddies in as many ways as possible. Let's just say that there are plenty of them to dispense of!

In Arnold's breakthrough film (at least in terms of him having spoken lines in a movie), he is pitted against a gang of thugs commanded by Arius, an evil dictator who wants to regain his political power by assassinating the current leader (it's explained in the movie for about two minutes). Who can do the job? John Matrix of course! To up the ante, the goons kidnap his daughter, Jenny (a very young Alyssa Milano).

From here the movie basically becomes Rambo times ten. Matrix is literally a one man army, and literally takes on an army (see the last twenty minutes of the film). Arnold's presence alone makes the film a blast to watch, and his dry humor works surprisingly well.

The action sequences are frequent and extremely violent. Some of the more gruesome deaths (cutting off part of a guy's head with a sawblade, cutting off appendages, etc.) just look silly. I'm sure all who were involved knew this would be a silly movie. Nevertheless, the action is perfectly outlandish and only Arnold (well, maybe Stallone) could have pulled this one off.

But the movie is so bad! With a plethora of continuity errors, bad acting, and implausibility in general, this is an easy flick to write off as mindless fun. A must-see!

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Receiving approximately ten seconds of high voltage electricity throughout the body does NOT hamper a person's fighting skills.
  • An incinerator door, when removed for use as a shield, is NOT hot.
  • Jumping off a plane's landing gear into a swamp with a depth of about three feet does not get you wet or cause any bodily harm.
  • Expensive sports cars can repair themselves after being flipped.
  • The bad guys will NEVER shoot you when you are about to detonate a bomb.
  • It is possible to remove a piece of metal piping from a wall and impale someone with it, then have one end shoot out steam.
  • Malls have an unlimited number of cops who will spend all of their energy on one man.
  • Crashing head-on into a telephone pole does no bodily harm to you, whether you are wearing a seatbelt or not.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - That's what steroids will do for you!
  • 13 mins - Shed? That's an armory!
  • 37 mins - Did someone just push Sully out of the elevator? Nah...he was in there alone...I think.
  • 40 mins - Is that rope attached to that person's leg to assist Arnold in holding him up by one foot? Say it ain't so!
  • 42 mins - What!? I thought that car was wrecked!
  • 44 mins - Oh ok, it's wrecked again!
  • 47 mins - RANDOM ACT OF BREAKING DOWN A DOOR TO A ROOM WHERE PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX!
  • 57 mins - What a shot by Rae Dawn!
  • 75 mins - Hasn't that "extra" been killed once before already?
  • 82 mins - Oh come on Arnold! You're stronger!
  • 83 mins - Ouch.
  • 84 mins - Ouch again.

Quotes: 

  • Matrix: "Don't disturb my friend; he's dead tired."
  • Matrix: "I eat Green Berets for breakfast"
  • Matrix: "I'll be back Bennett!" (He really says it!)
  • Matrix: "Let off some steam Bennett!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note commando1.wav Bad Guy: "My people have got some business with you, and if you want your kid back then you've got to cooperate. Right?"
Matrix: "Wrong!" (Gunshot)
Green Music Note commando2.wav Arius: "Your father seems to be cooperating. You will be together with him soon. Won't that be nice?"
Jenny: "Not nearly as nice as watching him smash your face in!"
Green Music Note commando3.wav Cindy having a cow.
Green Music Note commando4.wav Matrix: "Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?"
Sully: "That's right, Matrix. You did!"
Matrix: "I lied." (Sound of Sully falling a long way.)
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipcommando1.mpg - 1.9m
Arnold is making his assault on Arius' fortress and cutting a swathe through the fodder thrown before him. Watch the one guy on the far left who falls down. Must have been hit by a ricochet or something...

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 6
Commando
Reply #1. Posted on February 23, 2002, 04:27:30 PM by Christian
Something who impressed me a lot with this movie is the soldier who is killed at least 16 times.. He always returns a scene later in a different situation and he is killed again by Arnold!!!
Commando
Reply #2. Posted on July 11, 2001, 07:57:28 PM by Stefan Robak
The writer of this fun mindless action flick is also a really good comic writer.  He wrote the cool Superman for All Seasons mini-series, the Batman: the Long Halloween miniseries and is writing the Daredevil: Yellow miniseries.  He also writes Superman and the Fantastic Four.  Just thought you might want to know.
Commando
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Adam Shame
When I was an impressionable young lad, my grandfather recorded this long long ago off HBO for me.  I swear to god that I have seen this movie at least 500 times.  I watched it multiple times per day and then some and it STILL kicks tons of ass.  Hell, any movie with Vernon Wells, Bill Duke AND Bill Paxton (the jobber of ALL jobbers... when doesn't he play some type of military officer??) has to kick a lot of ass...
Commando
Reply #4. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by "The Kid" Billy Kansas
This was the first Arnold movie I saw when I was a wee young man.  Even as a kid I could see the movie flaws.  One of which you forgot to mention my dear Mr Clark and that is if you watch real close right after Arny rips the seat out of Rae Dawn's car and she backs out to leave you can clearly see the camera operator in the reflection from the car's brightly shining door.  Damn the good car wax.  Of course these flaws were minor in comparrison to most movies posted on this site of sites.  That still doesn't make this a bad movie, just another in the series of action movies starring Arny and Sly and others that make you just watch and say, "yeah right".
Commando
Reply #5. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Green Hornet
O.K. The film clip shows off some other nonsence. Note when the gunman comes around the corner to shoot at A.S. and the bullets fly through the leaves behind him: we get a good picture of the angle when "AHH-nold" turns to shoot back. From that angle he would have been cut off at the shoulders. Also, how come the grenade he throws goes off when the SAFTY PIN was not pulled? I also have trouble at the beginning of this flick when--even though he was warned of the danger--this "professional" didn't take precautions. He didn't even get on of the MANY(!!!!) guns from his shed! The gun shop has grenades and rocket launchers for God's sake! Yeah, I know: laws exist in movies ONLY when they are convenient. By the way, the rocket launcher the girl uses fires INCENTERARY shells. That van would have been TORCHED along with anyone inside. Like, guess who?
Commando
Reply #6. Posted on July 15, 2001, 04:38:23 PM by Jim Hepler
Oh yeah, the extra mentioned in the review who gets killed twice actually gets killed FOUR times.  Watch for him.  Or better yet, watch Dawn of the Dead and look carefully to see Tom Savini killed like 50 times as different zombies.
Commando
Reply #7. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by akop
This was my first Arnold movie two, and yes, still my favorite... Well, maybe after Predator...
OK, so it may be corny and and maybe the actors couldn't act their way out of a cardboard box. But it's so cool in an Arnoldy, nostalgic sort of way, that I couldn't help myself in going "What?!" when I saw the review for this movie on badmovies.org. And I'd still much rather watch Commando than any of today's "blockbusters" (Jurassic Park, Stargate, sheesh...). People knew how to have fun in the 80's. But I digress...
Commando
Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Daniel
I only need five words as a review for this movie: what a piece of crap! Remember that scene in the mall where he jumps off like 20 feet from above and he isn't even hurt? WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??!!
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