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DUNE - 3 Slimes
Rated PG-13
Copyright 1984 Dino de Laurentiis
Reviewed by Davey Whipwreck on 15 August 2001

The Characters:  

  • Paul - Kyle MacLachlan! Big-haired son of a duke, messiah, and super being.
  • The Fremen - A bunch of dirty people who live in the desert and have blue eyes.
  • Chani - Sean Young! She instantly becomes Paul's lover because he had a dream about her once.
  • Stilgar - Paul's (future) best friend and leader of the Fremen. The chief of "giving Paul a knowing glance." Makes lots of weird "UNH!" sounds for no apparent reason.
  • The Baron - Angry fat guy who can fly.
  • Feyd-Rautha - Sting! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "arrogant" and "looking up arrogantly, covered in blood, with a knife in the face."
  • Rabban - Bluto from that Popeye movie! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "evil glee" and "decapitated evil glee."
  • The Guild Navigator - A giant tumor that floats around in a big box and has the ability to make planets (or something) with beams of light from it's anus-like mouth.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Dune is an awesome book by Frank Herbert. Then David Lynch made it into a movie with an all-star cast and kind of screwed it up in places by leaving out three or four of the main characters altogether and confusing the hell out of us. The story begins with Princess Irulan (who you may recognize as "that chick from 'Candyman'") giving us a rough outline of the future. Basically, it's the year 10,191 and there is this special spice that everyone needs to travel through space and read minds and such.

Then we are taken to the Emperor of the known universe's palace. It's surrounded by several confusing things (like a guy with a metal nose) but it is actually a few seconds later where all sense is abandoned, as a giant tumor in a tank rolls in and a bald woman sits in another room thinking about him. If you look closely to the left of the tank, one of the guildsmen falls over. Hahaha!

So, then we move on to the Atreides family. There's this guy called Leto who is the Duke and his son Paul, the hero of the story. To cut a long story short, they all move to a big desert planet (where the special spice comes from) and they all get attacked in a plot by the Emperor and the Harkonnens (a bunch of evil, arrogant redheads who install heart plugs in people so they can pull them out for a laugh). The Harkonnens are allied with the Sardaukar, the Emperor's guys, who wear radiation suits and waddle about.

The Guy Who Plays Bluto in the "Popeye" movie runs around a lot, laughing. Dogs run around a bit and they all get killed, except for Paul and his mother Jessica. They flee to the desert, using the power of their robot impressions to escape the clutches of the bad guys and falling into the clutches of the Fremen. The Fremen immediately accept Paul as their leader and he recognizes Sean Young from his dreams, so he immediately assumes her as his lover. Paul says "spice" about 10,191 times throughout the course of this movie, be prepared for that.

He rides around on a giant sandworm, drinks some blue water, and blows up all of Bluto's spice factories with small video cameras. Bluto runs around with evil glee on his face as Sting looks on, arrogantly.

At one point, the Baron is flying around a room. Sting steps naked out of a big box filled with steam, Bluto walks in, pushes over a midget and eats part of a cow. Through it all the guy with big hair from "Eraserhead" is twisting a box that makes an irritating squeaking noise. Then they give a bald cat, suspended in a box with a rat stuck to it, to Thufir. Seriously.

Paul meets up with Gurney, Jessica has a daughter, and they all plan a big strike on the Emperor. They use atomics at one point, but this seems to make absolutely no difference. They all move into the room. Paul's sister kills the Baron, the Emperor kills Bluto, and Paul kills Sting in a fight and then blows him up. If you look carefully, you will notice that Thufir is there one minute and gone the next, despite efforts to hide this with other footage.

Paul's sister proclaims Paul to be the Kwisatz Haderach (super being) and then it starts to rain. Some guy with a beard and a widow's peak says "It is the legend," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul and Stilgar exchange a knowing glance, as they have been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul says "spice," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Don't trust bald women with metal teeth.
  • Every major power in the universe has one guy with massive eyebrows that wears smeared lipstick.
  • People in the future prove that they are humans by setting their hands on fire.
  • Barons find drinking a piece of coal and then throwing the container into some water hilarious.
  • Space travel makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
  • Good guys are always in the vicinity of dogs.
  • All people with orange hair are evil.
  • If your mother can grab a tribal chief by the throat, they will immediately accept you as their leader.
  • Shouting "garden" or "toga" through a small video camera is fatal.
  • Drinking blue water gives every bald woman in the universe a nosebleed.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 7 mins - No doubt about it, this is a David Lynch movie.
  • 15 mins - Around about now, we learn that all of Paul's friends are disturbing psychopaths.
  • 30 mins - Eww!
  • 37 mins - David Lynch's take on Space Travel...
  • 48 mins - David Lynch cameo!!
  • 63 mins - Dude, war isn't easy when you're HOLDING A DOG!
  • 66 mins - Duncan watches as he gets shot in the head by the slowest bullet in the world.
  • 66 mins - When I die, I want to die as coolly as this.
  • 81 mins - Lousy integration of the stunt man and the actor.
  • 82 mins - "Such stealth"? Maybe that's because they weren't moving.
  • 84 mins - Paul proclaims Chani to be "so beautiful" when she looks her very worst.
  • 86 mins - The most confusing few minutes of my life.
  • 91 mins - Err... ...I retract my last comment.
  • 94 mins - RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN OBELISK!
  • 96 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A WALL!

Quotes: 

  • Stilgar: "I will take the boy-man...UNH!"
  • Gurney: "Mood's a thing for cattle and love play, not fighting!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note dune1.wav Reverend Mother: "Put your right hand in the box."
Paul: "What's in the box?"
Reverend Mother: "Pain."
Green Music Note dune2.wav Baron Harkonnen: "He who controls the spice controls the universe!"
Green Music Note dune3.wav The Emperor: "I want fifty legions of Sardaukar on Arrakis at once!"
Officer: "Fifty legions? That's our entire reserves as well."
The Emperor: "This is genocide: the deliberate and systematic destruction of all life on Arrakis!"
Green Music Note dune4.wav Paul: "We Fremen have a saying. God created Arrakis to train the faithful. One cannot go against the word of God."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipdune1.mpg - 2.6m
Paul and his Fremen warriors, riding sandworms, are easily defeating the Emperor's legions. You know, if I ever try to take on a worm longer than an aircraft carrier with a hand weapon, you can be sure I've flipped my lid.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 6
Dune
Reply #1. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Andrew
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

<I> - Paul Atreides using the Bene Gesserit litany.</I>
Dune
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Creeps
You know, I never knew this was a David Lynch movie.  I guess that explains things...exactly what, I don't know....
Dune
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Chance
One thing I'm amazed wasn't mentioned in the review was the whole 'weird-blue-glowing-eyes' thing. It's bad enough that they look like they were colored in with a blue crayon directly onto the film itself, but they can't even remain consistant! One scene the major characters have blue eyes... the next they don't... then whoops! They're back again!

Dune
Reply #4. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by thomas hulstrÝm
Dune is an awesome scifi film. I think the reviewer is a little disrespectful to the film... i wouldnt want to see it if i only read this review. The fact is, this film is a real gem. I LOVE IT! Maybe its a little to "european" for the reviewer? Anyway, see this one... in my opinion its up there with blade runner and brazil.
Dune
Reply #5. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by nightflierkm
David Lynch rules all.
I say that even though I don't understand some of his movies very well. Sometimes I wonder if Mr. Lynch understands them himself.
He does manage to put so many strange things together that you can't help remembering them though.
 The film is too European for Mr. Whipreck to review? I just don't think so. I think he did a very entertaining review that wasn't negative but honest.
Dune
Reply #6. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Davey Whipwreck
Nah, I don't think the film was too European for me. After all, I AM European. The frequent use of the word "bloody" should have made that obvious.

I love the movie too, but if I did a serious review that didn't make fun of it, it wouldn't have been funny, which is, after all, the whole point.
Dune
Reply #7. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Sorceress
This is one of the least comprehensible movies i've ever seen, and i've read the book, so i know what the whole spice thing is about. Making a film less then two hours long based on dune is ridiculous, and 80's space effects didn;t help. I still thought it was good movie though, entertaining, if incomprihensible. (maybe becuase i watched it just beofre Dune: the making of (2001), followed by the three parts of the six hour 2001 version - that was both immposible to understand and actually boring)
My problem is with the eyes, they're supposed to be SOLID DARK blue, not too large iris's of bright blue. (whoever was in charge of the 2001 version's eyes, probably didn;t bother to read the book. just watched The old dune movie)

Sorceress
Dune
Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by ChrisB
Maybe the Fremen et al should have worn blue lenses..
I was startled (to say the least) by the sheer badness of the not-so-special effects. This was 2 years before Aliens and at over twice the budget ($45m) there was no excuse for Flash Gordon-style explosions and spaceships. (The sets by H.R Giger -Alien/s- were excellent though)

You see very little of Sting, and his character is so il-defined, that the final confrontation with Paul is totally unmemorable.
The Fremen are also misrepresented and we hardly get an idea of the tough lot they are supposed to be.

That image near the end of Chani wielding a sword really made me cringe, as did those 'sonic' weapons ("aiii-cha!").

Interesting interpretation, but uncohesive and confusing.

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