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DUNE - 3 Slimes
Rated PG-13
Copyright 1984 Dino de Laurentiis
Reviewed by Davey Whipwreck on 15 August 2001

The Characters:  

  • Paul - Kyle MacLachlan! Big-haired son of a duke, messiah, and super being.
  • The Fremen - A bunch of dirty people who live in the desert and have blue eyes.
  • Chani - Sean Young! She instantly becomes Paul's lover because he had a dream about her once.
  • Stilgar - Paul's (future) best friend and leader of the Fremen. The chief of "giving Paul a knowing glance." Makes lots of weird "UNH!" sounds for no apparent reason.
  • The Baron - Angry fat guy who can fly.
  • Feyd-Rautha - Sting! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "arrogant" and "looking up arrogantly, covered in blood, with a knife in the face."
  • Rabban - Bluto from that Popeye movie! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "evil glee" and "decapitated evil glee."
  • The Guild Navigator - A giant tumor that floats around in a big box and has the ability to make planets (or something) with beams of light from it's anus-like mouth.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Dune is an awesome book by Frank Herbert. Then David Lynch made it into a movie with an all-star cast and kind of screwed it up in places by leaving out three or four of the main characters altogether and confusing the hell out of us. The story begins with Princess Irulan (who you may recognize as "that chick from 'Candyman'") giving us a rough outline of the future. Basically, it's the year 10,191 and there is this special spice that everyone needs to travel through space and read minds and such.

Then we are taken to the Emperor of the known universe's palace. It's surrounded by several confusing things (like a guy with a metal nose) but it is actually a few seconds later where all sense is abandoned, as a giant tumor in a tank rolls in and a bald woman sits in another room thinking about him. If you look closely to the left of the tank, one of the guildsmen falls over. Hahaha!

So, then we move on to the Atreides family. There's this guy called Leto who is the Duke and his son Paul, the hero of the story. To cut a long story short, they all move to a big desert planet (where the special spice comes from) and they all get attacked in a plot by the Emperor and the Harkonnens (a bunch of evil, arrogant redheads who install heart plugs in people so they can pull them out for a laugh). The Harkonnens are allied with the Sardaukar, the Emperor's guys, who wear radiation suits and waddle about.

The Guy Who Plays Bluto in the "Popeye" movie runs around a lot, laughing. Dogs run around a bit and they all get killed, except for Paul and his mother Jessica. They flee to the desert, using the power of their robot impressions to escape the clutches of the bad guys and falling into the clutches of the Fremen. The Fremen immediately accept Paul as their leader and he recognizes Sean Young from his dreams, so he immediately assumes her as his lover. Paul says "spice" about 10,191 times throughout the course of this movie, be prepared for that.

He rides around on a giant sandworm, drinks some blue water, and blows up all of Bluto's spice factories with small video cameras. Bluto runs around with evil glee on his face as Sting looks on, arrogantly.

At one point, the Baron is flying around a room. Sting steps naked out of a big box filled with steam, Bluto walks in, pushes over a midget and eats part of a cow. Through it all the guy with big hair from "Eraserhead" is twisting a box that makes an irritating squeaking noise. Then they give a bald cat, suspended in a box with a rat stuck to it, to Thufir. Seriously.

Paul meets up with Gurney, Jessica has a daughter, and they all plan a big strike on the Emperor. They use atomics at one point, but this seems to make absolutely no difference. They all move into the room. Paul's sister kills the Baron, the Emperor kills Bluto, and Paul kills Sting in a fight and then blows him up. If you look carefully, you will notice that Thufir is there one minute and gone the next, despite efforts to hide this with other footage.

Paul's sister proclaims Paul to be the Kwisatz Haderach (super being) and then it starts to rain. Some guy with a beard and a widow's peak says "It is the legend," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul and Stilgar exchange a knowing glance, as they have been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul says "spice," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Don't trust bald women with metal teeth.
  • Every major power in the universe has one guy with massive eyebrows that wears smeared lipstick.
  • People in the future prove that they are humans by setting their hands on fire.
  • Barons find drinking a piece of coal and then throwing the container into some water hilarious.
  • Space travel makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
  • Good guys are always in the vicinity of dogs.
  • All people with orange hair are evil.
  • If your mother can grab a tribal chief by the throat, they will immediately accept you as their leader.
  • Shouting "garden" or "toga" through a small video camera is fatal.
  • Drinking blue water gives every bald woman in the universe a nosebleed.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 7 mins - No doubt about it, this is a David Lynch movie.
  • 15 mins - Around about now, we learn that all of Paul's friends are disturbing psychopaths.
  • 30 mins - Eww!
  • 37 mins - David Lynch's take on Space Travel...
  • 48 mins - David Lynch cameo!!
  • 63 mins - Dude, war isn't easy when you're HOLDING A DOG!
  • 66 mins - Duncan watches as he gets shot in the head by the slowest bullet in the world.
  • 66 mins - When I die, I want to die as coolly as this.
  • 81 mins - Lousy integration of the stunt man and the actor.
  • 82 mins - "Such stealth"? Maybe that's because they weren't moving.
  • 84 mins - Paul proclaims Chani to be "so beautiful" when she looks her very worst.
  • 86 mins - The most confusing few minutes of my life.
  • 91 mins - Err... ...I retract my last comment.
  • 94 mins - RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN OBELISK!
  • 96 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A WALL!

Quotes: 

  • Stilgar: "I will take the boy-man...UNH!"
  • Gurney: "Mood's a thing for cattle and love play, not fighting!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note dune1.wav Reverend Mother: "Put your right hand in the box."
Paul: "What's in the box?"
Reverend Mother: "Pain."
Green Music Note dune2.wav Baron Harkonnen: "He who controls the spice controls the universe!"
Green Music Note dune3.wav The Emperor: "I want fifty legions of Sardaukar on Arrakis at once!"
Officer: "Fifty legions? That's our entire reserves as well."
The Emperor: "This is genocide: the deliberate and systematic destruction of all life on Arrakis!"
Green Music Note dune4.wav Paul: "We Fremen have a saying. God created Arrakis to train the faithful. One cannot go against the word of God."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipdune1.mpg - 2.6m
Paul and his Fremen warriors, riding sandworms, are easily defeating the Emperor's legions. You know, if I ever try to take on a worm longer than an aircraft carrier with a hand weapon, you can be sure I've flipped my lid.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 6
Dune
Reply #9. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Steve
Paul riding on the back of the giant worm, leaning back and letting the wind blow through his massively feathered head of hair, exchanging knowing looks with Stilgar and his Fremen buddies as the worm sucks up his enemies to a rockin' Queen soundtrack...I've never used cocaine before, but the people who made this movie probably went through a ton of it.
Dune
Reply #10. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Jim Hepler
People talking about the length obviously haven't heard of the half dozen different 4+ hour length versions...  They don't really make it better, just longer.
Dune
Reply #11. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Fletch
Fletcher's rule of film states that good books make lousy films (eg Starship troopers) and vice versa with good films make terrible novels (just about any film "novelisation). Dune is a noteable exception to this rule. The book is a lousy, overblown pretensious piece of crap with far too many sequels and the film is even worse. If they wanted to make a Frank Herbert novel into a film The Dragon In The Sea would have been a much better choice.
Dune
Reply #12. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by SmegHead
In you cast section, you forgot to mention the character of Gurney - Patrick Stewart! (Captain Picard!).  Although it's true, he's just a supporting character, his presence in this film is significant and noteworthy!  Thanks for at least putting in what is probably his best quote, though.  You might also wish to consider adding another of Gurney's quotes, "You're young Pup! You're young Pup!" hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!  (Sorry, just couldn't contain myself)
Dune
Reply #13. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by BoyScoutKevin
I am glad to see this film listed, as it is one of my all time favorite "bad" movies. It is certainly better then the television miniseries. The acting is better. The action sequences are better. The directing is better. And certainly the style is better. Who can forget the scene where Paul L. Smith, who played Bluto in "Popeye" and one of the Harkonnens in this one, was touring a slaughterhouse and ripped the tongue out of the mouth of a dead cow and started munching on it, as he continued his tour. Yes, David Lynch has a style all his own. Enjoy
Dune
Reply #14. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by thee ritalin anti christ
funny thing about david lynch, apparently in college he was roommates with J. Geils of The J. Geils Band (whoda thought). after a month or 2 of rooming together, lynch took off out of dormitory life forever because geils was "too weird". how f**king mind numbingly insane must geils have been to freak out lynch? and why didnt he ever transfer that insanity into his music? id rather hear the ramblings of some f**king nut over "my angel is a centerfold" any day.
Dune
Reply #15. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Moxie
I read the book before seeing the film, so maybe I'm not looking at the movie with a fresh mind.  It just seems to me that several elements of the book could have been left ALONE and still be both CHEAPER and COOLER than they were in this movie.

A.  In the book, sometimes, the sun is out.
B.  In the book, they don't use guns (wierding modules) that turn random words into lasers.  They use knives.  I for one would prefer knives to whatever the f**k those things are.
C.  The wierding way was not originally saying things into a gun.  It was kick ass kung fu.  Kung fu is much more fun to watch than a battle of deadly negative scratches.
D.  There was no need to give Thufir and the other mentat embarrassing eyebrows.
E.  Most of the cast is horribly chosen; most of all the role of Paul's father, who is supposed to be a great leader of men but is portrayed as a weepy, sentimental, slow witted, and hairy man.
F.  In this movie, a man is presented with a cat with a rat tied to its back and told he must milk it and drink its milk to live.  Don't give me that "but it's david lynch and his imagination made it so it must be worshipped by you" bulls**t.  IT'S A CAT WITH A RAT TIED TO ITS BACK.  Despite being ludicrous, this was somehow presented in such away as to make me not laugh.

So, to recap, too much hair, too many cats with rats tied to their backs, and sound guns (like in that Shaq movie) instead of knives.  Oh, and the navigators look like fetuses.

I don't need a faithful interpretation (it's no worse in that respect than Starship Troopers, which I enjoyed) but I would have liked to have seen knives and more Fremen fighting with knives.  If you think that "wierding modules" are a better movie making choice IN ANY WAY than knives and kung fu, please say so.
Dune
Reply #16. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by wanderer
Having read all the Dune series book (if you want to severely punish yourself, you should read them all), I didn't think that the movie was too bad.  But then again, I usually have no problems understanding the weird scifi plots; especially if I've read the book.  If the movie was done properly, it would be 5-6 hours long.  But then that's what they said about Lord of the Rings and movie turned out well.  So what the bloody hell am I talking about?
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