|RATS: NIGHT OF TERROR
|Copyright 1983 Beatrice Film and IMP.EX.CI.
| Reviewed by David Emery
on 'a long time ago'|
- Kurt - The fearless leader of the "New Primitives," he enjoys blasting his buddies if they get bitten by rats. He also strikes a pose before saying his lines. He gets bitten to death.
- Taurus - This guy looks a bit like Chuck Norris without the martial arts. He also gets bitten to death and a few rats gnaw a hole through his back.
- Video - A video games expert who activates a computer by freak accident. He survives (it's the electronic generation instincts, I tell ya).
- Chocolate - Named so because of her skin color, I assume. She and Video have little thing going... ...so she survives too.
- Myrna - FREAKING ANNOYING chick that screams every time she sees a rat, spider, corpse, or shadow. She gets blowed up real good by Duke.
- Duke - Has his own ideas of what actions the team should take, he keeps trying to screw Kurt over. Ends up blowing himself and Myrna up with a grenade.
- Deus - Deus is to the group what Spock was to the Starship Enterprise. He gets bitten to death.
- Diana - Thought she was going to be the vital female role, but she gets bitten by rats and the group carries her around for a while until she gets fed up with it all and slits her wrists, and then Kurt shoots her.
- Lucifer and Lilith - Couple that gets stuck in a sleeping bag while shagging (Hehe!). Lucifer gets drunk and gets pushed into a sewer by attacking rats (and Kurt burns him), while Lilith gets attacked...er...from beneath.
- Noah - The group's botanist and environmentalist, he gets attacked by rats and Kurt burns him.
| In the year 2015, mankind goes ballistic and nuclear bombs crash this way and that. The survivors are forced underground where they remain for years and years. In the year 225 A.B. (After the Bomb), a group of rebels that can't stand underground life anymore go back to the surface. These rebels, dubbed the "New Primitives", find a town and decide to chill out for awhile. Unfortunately for them, they discover that the town is overrun by rats hungry for human flesh. As night falls, they barricade themselves inside a saloon and fend for their lives as boxes and boxes of rats get dumped on their heads. Eventually, Chocolate and Video are escorted to safety by Delta 2, a group of scientists intent on gaining back life on the surface. But the joke's on the New Primitives, it's actually an army of RAT MEN! The characters' voices are dubbed and rarely line up with oral movement... ...it's like a white Godzilla movie. It makes it pretty entertaining though.|
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Bikers who wear red scarves or dress like Napoleon aren't that threatening.
- Food stays preserved for over two centuries, depending on whether or not it's kept in "strange boxes."
- If you find food supplies in a post-nuclear war zone, eat and/or waste them at the first opportunity.
- Don't waste time stepping on a rodent to kill it... ...use ammunition.
- In 2015, scientists will rely on exaggerated Commodore 64s for research.
- If you want to ask a computer a question, kick it.
- When a woman compliments your sexual stamina, storm out of the room announcing that you're going to "enjoy your own company."
- Yelling at rats is pretty ineffective.
- Keep the drunk away from open sewer grates.
- A room enveloped in red light and containing strong winds signifies rats.
- Grenades blow up the second you let go of the clip.
- 4 mins - Oh man, look at all that hair... ...I love 80's retro.
- 7 mins - Uh oh... ...the dialogue isn't in sync...
- 12 mins - Okay, we get it, it's a corpse.
- 27 mins - Argh, put some pants on buddy!
- 28 mins - Thank you.
- 34 mins - Lucifer is getting pelted by a box of stuffed toys!
- 35 mins - Uh, where is that rat going? Ouch...
- 38 mins - Jeez, Kurt... ...quite the leader aren't you?
- 49 mins - No one is laughing, Duke.
- 54 mins - Bet you wish you hadn't wasted your flame thrower on your friends, huh Kurt?
- 56 mins - Those rats are on a conveyor belt...
- 86 mins - Here comes the calvary... ...that decontamination device looks like a leaf blower.
- 93 mins - RAT MAN!
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Narrator: "In the Christian year 2015, the insensitivity of man finally triumphs and hundreds of atomic bombs devastate all five continents. Terrified by the slaughter and destruction, the few survivors of the disaster seek refuge under the ground."
||Video: "I must try and remember some of mom's old recipes. Baked mouse, rat pie, fried rats' tails... ...no, really. If you cook them in vinegar they're fine."
||Taurus: "If you must copulate, why don't you go outside and do it?" |
Lucifer: "Why don't you just shut up? I was just getting ready to blast off!"
||Duke: "Damn rats are just about everywhere you look."
||Kurt: "The son of a bitch! We'll be eaten by rats!" |
Duke: "Was it worth it Kurt? Did you get the water?"
Kurt: "It was polluted. The rats got there first and they're headed this way. Open the God damned door!"
||Recording: "The surface area is overrun by rats. They kill anyone not of the same race as themselves. Remember, human beings are their food."
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|Noah suddenly becomes a victim of the terrible rat horde. I still have to ask: who is pouring the buckets of rats over that poor man's head? Mindless human slaves of the rat kingdom? A robot? Stagehands?
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |