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SAMURAI SPIRITS - 2 Slimes
Not Rated
Copyright 1994
Reviewed by Stefan Robak on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Hoahmaru - Guy with a sword and apparently one of the six Holy Warriors. That's all I know.
  • Nakoruru - Girl with a bird and one of the six Holy Warriors. That's all I know.
  • Wan-Fu - Big guy with a necklace. That's all I know.
  • Galford - Some geeky blonde guy who is yet another one of these Holy Warrior guys. He has a dog named Puppy. Naming an attack dog Puppy does not strike fear into the hearts of evil doers.
  • Charlotte - Another Holy Warrior with an extremely bad French accent. I think she loves Hoahmaru but I didn't understand much about this film.
  • Tamtam - The last of these Holy Warriors. This guy wears a crazy, South American looking mask and fights people. JUST LIKE EVERY FREAKING CHARACTER IN THE MOVIE!
  • Amakusa Shiro Tokisada - Evil woman who plagues our heroes with an evil plot to take over the world. I think she kept her plans secret from the writers. WHAT'S GOING ON? In the end she repents and helps the good guys, after dying. Oh yeah and she pulls a sword out of her chest.
  • Assorted Freaks - Just to make sure everyone from the game was in the movie they put in (I forget actual character names): Kabuki guy, Deep voiced Ninja who can become a shadow, Eyepatch guy are the good guys and Earthquake (the only name I didn't look up on IMDB, they weren't all there), a cross between a hunchback, Freddie Kruger, and a Gremlin and some bland guy.
  • Big Evil Shadow Thing - I spent a long time trying to get names and I don't know if he has one. He's summoned by Tokisada and then beaten.
  • Children - I don't think they did anything in the film.
  • Villagers and Hoahmuru's mom - Slaughtered by ninja.
  • Ninja - Evil henchmen. Most of them stand around getting slashed in the second half. I guess anyone can be a ninja these days.


The Plot: 

Actually I'm not sure. Though I probably lost some of it during all the heckling me and my friends gave this film, but all the same it didn't make sense. Usually I like anime (even dumb ones), but some are just too bad. From what I can gather the Hoahmuru guy is a warrior who's pissed off cause ninja off his Mom. As he goes after the ninja leader he's confronted by warriors from various ethnic backgrounds who claim he's one of them. Them being the six Holy Warriors who are also trying to kick the ninja leaders ass. So they go off and beat the ninja like ugly step children, but walk into Tokisada's trap and she tries to turn Hoahmuru evil by tempting him to kill her (rip-off, I mean shades of Return of the Jedi), but he and Charlotte escape while the others are held by their arms legs and torsos in green stuff (I think it's slime but it looks rather hard). Hoahmuru is unconscious for a week, but after a mind battle in the astral plane (don't ask) they go to stop Tokisada. Oh, by the way, the other warriors were there for a week and apparently didn't eat or go to the bathroom or anything and look OK. They get free and beat Tokisada then a big evil thing. There are subplots but I'm too tired to make sense of it. I don't even know if this review makes sense (hope it does). This got three slimes cause of the hecklin' factor only.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Ninja bleed milk.
  • If you're in the astral plane and someone blasts you in the face it will be OK... ...your armor, however will fly off.
  • Ninja don't move when a fighter is better than them, except towards the blade.
  • Evil forces can be summoned by a bingo game.
  • There are very few, if any, good movies based on a video game (with the exception of Street Fighter II: the Animated Movie, it had a soundtrack with some cool bands).
  • If you take on a swarm of bees and think you've killed them all before they sting you, look out!
  • It takes mothers a real long time to die from an arrow through the chest.
  • You parents will only tell you they found you in the woods during a crisis.


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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1]
Samurai Spirits
Reply #1. Posted on September 12, 2000, 03:05:26 PM by Mike Berkey
Actually, it's based on a video game that was released for the NeoGeo some 7 years ago.  The Japanese name was translated as "Samurai Spirits."  However, it was released in most of the rest of the world as "Samurai Shodown."  4 games total were released for the NeoGeo (other consoles followed);  they all featured fantastically beautiful animation and art and jaw-droppingly bad translation and dialogue ("This place reeks of evil...and gym socks!").

Unfortunately the Japanese are in the habit of making animated adaptations of their more successful fighting games (Streetfighter and the King of the Fighters both come to mind).  This was the worst.  When even the first video game in the series has better art work and animation than the movie, you know something's wrong.  What was up with Charlotte's chin?  It looked like you could impale people with it!

The main villain of this movie, Amakusa, is actually the son of Hanzo, the ninja grandmaster, who doesn't seem to appear in this movie, as I recall.  Yes, he's male.  I think he was also possessed by a demon at some point, so forgie him...
Samurai Spirits
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Rattymelon
I was going to say that Amakusa was a 'Bishoonen' but someone beat me to it. ;-p

Rat
Samurai Spirits
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by SH
May be picky, but Amakusa is NOT the son of Hanzo! Amakusa Shiro Tokisada was an historycal character, actually: he led a Christian revolt against the government.
Jeez, a tranvestite freak fighting for the good ol' values of Christianity. I'd DIE to hear what the Pope thinks of that...
Samurai Spirits
Reply #4. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by GTO
Darksoldier, despite a strong showcasing that you have no life, you forgot to mention some things:

"Galford" is actually based on a historical figures: German Cpt. Heimler Mullens.  He skilled with a rapier and was a key individual in Japan's move to Westernize (with the help of Germany) and ended up living in Japan indefenitely, though I guess they made Galford live in the U.S. cause they seem to get this notion that everyone in the U.S. has blonde hair.
Yes, I suppose Japan has a fascination with German folk, I think it's cuz Germany makes better cars.

"Earthquake", believe it or not, is loosely based on George Bush Sr. See, when the first SS was being made, it was around the same time when George Bush made that famous visit to Japan (something about selling U.S. cars in Japan; it didn't work out) and blew chunks on the Prime Minister. Long story short, Japan depcicts Texans as reckless gluttons, thus making a fat ninja guy from Texas as one the SS characters. The ugliness part of Earthquake might be a homage to Barbara Bush.

"Apple Boy Ukyo" is not suffering from tuberculosis.  He's actually suppose to be anemic.  In Japan, it's a common stereotype to depict beautiful people (usually with white skin) as anemic (I don't know why... Japan's weird).  Another example would be Hyatt from Excel Saga.

"Yagyu Jubei" is 'NOT related to that Fatal Fury guy', (?) Do you think they meant Geese Howard?
Samurai Spirits
Reply #5. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by DarkSoldier
I'm a fan of the Samurai Spirits games, though I haven't seen this movie (thankfully). Lemme enlighten you as to who the schmucks in this movie are:

Haohmaru: Based on Miyamoto Musashi, could be considered the main character of the game, since he's rather generic.
Wan-Fu: An amalgam of Da Dao Wang Wu (died in the Boxer Rebellion) and King Wu Wang (ca. 1100 BC). In SS2, he wields a stone pillar.
Nakoruru: She's Ainu (Japanese aboriginal). Her hawk's name is Mamahaha, and she later gains a wolf companion named Shikuru.
Galford: A ninja from San Francisco, even though California was Spanish territory back in the 1780's. His dog's name is Poppy, not Puppy, it's female, and she has a small litter.
Charlotte: She's based on Oscar Francois de Jarjayes, the heroine of a 1970's manga called "The Rose of Versailles."
Tam Tam: An amalgam of Aztec, Maori, and Inca, a protector of an Amazon village.
Amakusa: When they say Amakusa is Hanzo's son, they're partially correct; the evil spirit of Amakusa possessed his son Shinzo. Amakusa Shiro Tokisada was also a historical figure (17th century), just as (SH) indicated, but he wasn't a transvestite freak.

The Other Guys
Earthquake: A Texas ninja who tips the scales at over 1000 pounds. Texas was also Spanish territory at the time, I believe.
Senryo Kyoshiro: The Kabuki guy. He's based on Kabuki theatre and a guy called Nemuri Kyoshiro (roughly "Sleepy Deranged Person") who lived in the 17th century.
Yagyu Jubei: The "eyepatch guy" and the only real samurai in the series. Works for Tokugawa (the government) and is based on a historical samurai named (oddly enough) Yagyu Jubei Mitsuyoshi (1606-1644).
Hattori Hanzo: The black-clad ninja, based on Hattori Hanzo Masashige (1541-1596), who helped defeat Oda Nobunaga.
Shiranui Gen-An: The little green dude with the claw. He's a bakemono (generic Japanese demon), and NO, HE IS NOT RELATED TO SHIRANUI MAI from Fatal Fury!
Tachibana Ukyo: Was he even in this movie? Blue hair, blue pants, wields a sword cane and has tuberculosis. He's based on Sasaki Kojiro Genryu, Miyamoto Musashi's rival, and possible Zatoichi, the blind swordsman.
Samurai Spirits
Reply #6. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by vicMAN
In regards to Samurai SHowdown ( the Game ), Genjuro was a real dude as well.  He was supposedly the bodyguard of Toyotomi.  However, the Tokugawa sent a ronin samurai, supposedly, to kill Toyotomi but was unsecssesful and instead had to remain content with killing just Genjuro.  It's said that probably one of the most awesome swords fights ever to take place in Japan At that time.  After that fight the romin samurai was killed who is said to be Yojimbo, although i think that is doubtful.  :)
       I just like to say something about Shiro Amakusa; supposedly, he was killed by Yagyu Jubei who later had to fight his father, Munenori Tajima Yagyu, who was said to have become a demon and was becoming too hellish, no pun intended, and so that they had a really awseome sword fight and Yagyu Jubei won.
        Everything else on here is true.  Althugh i did'nt know that Ukyo was based on a real person which is reallly cool i think.  Anyways, see ya have fun guys.  : )
 

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