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SHE - 4 Slimes
Not Rated
Copyright 1985 Royal Films
Reviewed by Warren H. on 22 November 2000

The Characters:  

  • Tom & Dick - Two morons who also happen to be the toughest men in the land.
  • Hari - Tom's sister, her kidnapping spurs the quest.
  • She - Wimpy goddess of a clan of female warriors.
  • Shanda - She's right-hand woman.
  • Hector - Second-in-command of the Norks, he leads most of their attacks.
  • Kram - Leader of the desiccated Nukes; his arms tend to come off.
  • Pretty Boy & Pretty Girl - leaders of the Beautiful People, they have a secret...
  • Godan & Eva: "Man-god" leader of an S&M cult; Eva is his high priestess.
  • Rabel & Rudolph: Rabel is a mad scientist and Rudolph is his cross-dressing lackey.
  • Xenon: Guards the entrance to Nork City; he is a work of pure genius.
  • The Norks: Guys in cool costumes who fight, eat large meals, and raid settlements for women


The Plot: 

Bear with me here folks, it's a wild ride. The year is 23 After the Cancellation. Tom, Dick, and Hari (get it?) steer their boat into port near a flea market to peddle their wares. Unfortunately, the Norks attack, slap people around, and wave plastic scythes. Hari is captured while Tom and Dick are beaten senseless. They awaken later to find themselves enslaved by the followers of She.

After much fighting, kidnapping, torture, and a run in with the Nukes, the fun really starts. Witness Tom and Dick eat meat and listen to bee-bop/techno music with the Beautiful People and then fend off attacks by Godan's glowing matte effect eyes. Listen to Shanda say "No! No! Ah! No! No!" for eight straight minutes while enduring the least effective torture ever devised.

After that, it's only logical they would be attacked by a fat guy in pink ballet outfit and stuffed in plastic bags right? We can't forget Xenon, of course. His technique is to annoy people into chopping off his arm, head, leg, whatever, which then grow into duplicates of himself! Pure genius, my friends, pure genius. And that's not all...

I apologize for the time frames below, the timer feature on my watch was acting screwy and some of the times may be a few minutes off.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Flea markets after the Apocalypse are even more cutthroat.
  • Goddesses need not have any powers, just the title "Goddess."
  • Goddesses have some wicked monthly cycles (you'll just have to watch the movie).
  • Never trust a woman with pigs in her apartment.
  • Be kind to radiation spawned mutants, their arms come off very easily.
  • Being lightly slapped with a cat o' nine tails is unbearable.
  • Don't chop up the annoying little guy guarding the bridge, no matter how much he gets on your nerves.
  • Do, however, toss him into a mine field.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • Opening Credits - Neat
  • 5 mins - I have no idea what's going on, but I love it.
  • 7 mins - Ow! Harpooned in the knee. Now he's dragging her! Owowowowow!
  • 9 mins - What?! They didn't die?
  • 13 mins - This musical score is rather inappropriate.
  • 14 mins - That must have hurt.
  • 20 mins - She fighting a gladiator, a night, samurai, and now the Frankenstein monster. What the hell?
  • 23 mins-RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 31 mins - A chainsaw fight, all right!
  • 42 mins - Things are looking grim for our heroes.
  • 45 mins - Something tells me this is a bad sign.
  • 49 mins - Can they survive this horrible (cough) torture?
  • 57 mins - An iron maiden kill! This movie has everything!
  • 60 mins - Ouch. Bad acting, really bad.
  • 79 mins - That was BRILLIANT! (Seriously!)
  • 84 mins - That was also brilliant.
  • 90 mins - He may be ruthless, but he's a good host.

Quotes: 

  • Shanda: "This doesn't make sense!"
    She: "This has nothing to do with sense!"
  • Pretty Boy: "Wonderful old world custom, dance, you should try it. More meat?"
  • Godan: "How dare you? I am your god!"
    Eva (shrieking): "You're a maaaaaaaan! And you betraaaaaaaayed us!" (more incoherent shrieking)

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note she1.wav A worship service for She, this makes Mass look like a picnic.
Green Music Note she2.wav Taphir: "Our law is She, the goddess, who's your god?"
Dick: "Our god? We don't have god, we do business."
Green Music Note she3.wav Kram: "Never trust a mutant, that's your motto isn't it?"
Green Music Note she4.wav Pretty Boy: "Your friend seems slightly over enthusiastic."
Tom: "My friend's an asshole."
Green Music Note she5.wav Rabel: "You are a superior specimen, I might try some breeding experiments with you."
Green Music Note she6.wav Hector: "This is the life of the Norks: food, women, and war! Nothing better on the face of this Earth, now you have an opportunity to be a Nork."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipshe1.mpg - 3.1m
At this point we have four copies of Xenon running wild and Tom still has not gotten the idea through his head that the annoying bastard is a hybrid made from Robin Williams, Steve Martin, and Planaria DNA.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 [2]
Re: She
Reply #9. Posted on December 06, 2008, 11:29:39 AM by Gry
I've got the UK disc.  Presentation-wise, it's bare bones at best, but it was affordable and the only way to currently get it.

I can remember this movie blowing my mind when I was a kid.  Like the mind-bending Lou Ferrigno "Hercules" flicks, it's very genre-spanning, with roots in Sword & Sorcery and Post Apocalyptic adventure.  Aside from the inclusion of the immortal and unnamed goddess (who bathes in a sacred spring, not a flame) and the outsider hero She takes a shine to, there's only a passing resemblance to the Haggard tale.  Happily, with the exception of the marauding band of surly warlords, the movie opts to bypass the traditional "Road Warrior" After-The-Fall motif and opts to give us an earth that's degenerated into Medieval Feudalism.  All that remains is an array of isolated fiefdoms, each with its own resident deity and/or insular populace.  Radiation-plagued mutants, aerobicized Amazons, an order of priests lorded over by a Jim Jones-style telekinetic, urban primitives, cannibal vampires, and backwoods mad scientists comprise the world's Neo-People.

Yes, this is trashy and low-end, but it's also clever, self-satirical, and madcap.  The soundtrack is all over the place, with Heavy Metal, Disco, Funk, and even a sentimental closing credits love ballad illustrating just how wildly schizophrenic an offering this is.  The women are actually quite formidable and courageous -- Bergman moves like a panther in heat -- while the men seem mercenary and passive in comparison.  In its way this is a relic of an entertaining genre and decade that fell by the wayside and probably will never come back.

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