|Copyright 1997 TriStar/Touchstone Pictures
| Reviewed by Max Gardner
on 'a long time ago'|
- Johnny Rico - Casper Van Dien! Genocidal dumbass and soldier plagued with inexplicable promotions.
- Carl Jenkins - Neil Patrick Harris! Psychic who gets recruited into a higher position than Rico.
- Dizzy - This woman would get dizzy trying to screw in a light bulb. She wants Rico's ass. Gets a bug talon through the chest.
- Carmen Ibanez - Denise Richards! Rico's sluttish love interest. Looks a bit... ...synthetic from the neck down.
- Zander Barcelow - Rico's chief rival. Gets his brain sucked out by the brain bug.
- Ace - Jake Busey! Recruit with absolutely enormous teeth.
- Lt. Rasczak - Michael Ironside! Rico's commanding officer, until he gets his legs ripped off by a giant antlion.
- Sgt Zim - Drill sergeant who demotes himself to private so he can go to the front.
- The Bugs - Very large arachnids with a low moron tolerance.
|Starship Troopers is actually a good movie masquerading as a really bad one; it was also wasted on ninety percent of its target audience, making it the most irritatingly misunderstood film I've ever seen. In a militarized future, humanity is at war with a race of giant arachnids upon whose territory they've encroached. After the bugs nuke Buenos Aires, our government finally decides to take some aggressive action. Johnny Rico and his merry band of idiots are sent to the front, where they get their asses trounced in about five seconds. They regroup, and decide capturing a brain bug would be their best course of action. Can Michael Ironside and Doogie Hauser pull it off? Let's hope not - I haven't seen such a misanthropic movie in all my life. The characters are morons, the relationships are shallow and perfunctory, and they're supposed to be. Come on, people - the propaganda video at the beginning of the movie is called "Why We Fight." That was the title of a WWII Anti-Nazi propaganda short. If you don't give a damn about satire and generally mean-spirited humor, there are still buckets upon buckets of gore, and some nudity thrown in for good measure - no one we'd ever want to see nude, unfortunately.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Humans invented art, mathematics and interstellar travel.
- Doogie Hauser is a member of the Gestapo.
- Ferrets are telepathic.
- Women only mate with the best and dumbest football players.
- Multiple amputees still endorse the military.
- Humans will NEVER admit that another species is intelligent. That includes species that can hurl meteorites out of their asses and hit Buenos Aires from across the known galaxy.
- Affection is displayed by saying, "OOUUGH!" and smashing your head against someone else's head.
- Jake Busey playing a neon green violin is enough to ruin any romantic mood.
- A civilian is stupid; a citizen is just more aggressive about it.
- 2 mins - Kick ass, a whole platoon of idiots gets cut in half in the first two minutes of the movie!
- 7 mins - That is painfully obvious, thank you...
- 16 mins - Hey, that's a David Bowie song, only they changed the lyrics and it sucks.
- 23 mins - RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST MORMON EXTREMISTS!
- 39 mins - Bitch.
- 49 mins - Wonder how much AT&T paid for that.
- 58 mins - Hey, they're in mobile infantry and they're getting tattoos that say "Death From Above."
- 62 mins - Damn, I wish I could shoot meteors from my ass.
- 90 mins - Multiple decapitations! Ugh, he left a smear...
- 95 mins - Don't take the claw out, you imbecile.
- 99 mins - It's Doogie Himmler!
- 104 mins - Ouch! (Cut in half by an automatic door.)
- 114 mins - Yeah, that arm would still work.
- 118 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A MOUNTAIN!
- Angry Guy: "The only good bug is a dead bug."
- Rico (After a fellow recruit gets his head blasted off): "MEDIC!"
- Reporter: "Some say the bugs were provoked by the intrusion of humans into their natural habitat, that a live and let live policy is preferable to war with the bugs."
Rico: "Lemme tell you something, I'm from Buenos Aires and I say KILL 'EM ALL!"
- Sky Marshal: "We must meet the threat with our blood, our valor, indeed with our very lives, to ensure that human civilization - not insect - dominates this galaxy now and always!"
- Scientist: "Frankly I find the idea of a bug that thinks offensive!"
- Rasczak: "They sucked his brains out."
- Rico: "Know what this is? Sure ya do - you're some kinda big, fat smart bug, aren't ya?"
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Narrator1: "Join the Mobile Infantry and save the world!"
||Angry Guy: "The only good bug is a dead bug."
||Sky Marshall: "To fight the bug we must understand the bug, we can ill afford another Klandathu."
||Lt. Rasczak: "This is for you new people. I only have one rule, everyone fights, no one quits. You don't do your job I'll shoot you."
||Lt. Rasczak: "They sucked his brains out."
||Carl Jenkins: "You don't approve? Well too bad, we're in this for the species boys and girls. It's simple numbers, they have more and every day I have to make decisions that send hundreds of people, like you, to their deaths."
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Alan Smithee
One of the most inexplicably "bad" good movies of our time. I remember once hearing Paul Verhoeven explain this movie as trying to revive the classic B-level "kill all the giant monsters movie". Well he failed miserably, but I think this film is not without merit. The action scenes are exciting,though perplexing(man can send itself millions of miles across galaxies to fight an unknown enemy, yet doesn't understand the concept of artillery or even sending a goddamn tank to save thousands of worthless grunts). For my money, a better movie would involve the facists sending super-smart cyborgs to fight the bugs, Paul Verhoeven could then draw on deeper themes like he did in the much better Robocop. No, actually that would suck too. Also, why the hell isn't Denise Richards naked like in Wild Things. Her tits would make me forget every single flaw.
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Jesus Thorn
I enjoyed the action in this one, I loved seeing people get ripped to pieces. Sure, everything was computer animated, but over the years, I've learned to cope with every movie being little more than a cartoon. The only thing that made me queasy about the movie, was the acting, save Michael Ironside. Basically, everytime I watch this, I hope, by some miracle, that the ending will magically change, and every bad actor in this movie gets ripped to bloody pieces.
Reply #19. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Flea
Well, it's probably a bit late to volunteer, but it's never too late to get drafted.
Starship Troopers rocks
Reply #20. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Max Harker
When my friends and I first watched this movie,
we alternated between making fun of it and begging
to turn it off. We made it through to the end, our
brains scarred for life.
The first problem I noted was, why are we invading
their planet? The humans (as in real life) are
agressive war mongers who decide it is their divine
right to own the universe. From that point on, I
was rooting for the aliens, who were really just
defending their home.
The psuedo-jock heroes didnt score points with me
either, acting like testosterone laden zombies who
the director screamed "over-act!" at on random
occasions. Michael Ironside was the only character
who made sense and added an enjoyment factor
to this turkey.
The tatoos have been mentioned, make no sense,
and only add to the eye rolling about these
Another thing thats been mentioned but cannot have
enough said on it is the lack of support the soldiers
had. When watching the movie, I continued to ponder
what had happened to air support since the napalm
dropping in Vietnam. No fighters, no bombers, just
a small group of guys kicked out of the transport
with puny rifles and a tatoo for armour.
The bugs were made with astounding computer
animation. However there were some very noticeable
model/parts that were not animated which stuck
out. Maybe because of my experience with computer graphics and animation, it was more obvious to me, dont know...
Finaly the brain bug gets captured, surrounded by
hundreds of armed bloodthirsty warriors as its
race lay dead or dying, and it takes a psychic to know "its scared"...and everyone cheers like that
was a big secret. If they had animated it p**sing
itself it couldnt have been more obvious. When it was over, I honestly couldnt believe movies
that bad could be made in this day and age. I have
since been proven wrong, but this one will ramain
etched in my memory as one of the worst movies of
the decade. I may buy it just for the amazing
potential for mocking it.
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Brian Cole
By Brian Cole
Starship Troopers is one great movie -- unless you make the mistake of taking is seriously.
The most memorable sequence, I believe, is when the photogenic Denise Richards is impaled through her left shoulder by a 14-foot arachnid. (Throughout most of the movie all she is allowed to do is advertise her orthodontist's work.) This can't be much different than being crucified — you die from shock, blood loss and sheer agony. You are at least expected to pass out.
But not Denise.
She is impaled, then lifted off the ground by the arachnid and dropped in front of the "brain bug" which wants to suck her brains out. (What a waste.) But Denise manages to slice off the brain bug's sucking appendage (call it whatever you want). Then she jumps to her feet, Johnny Rico has arrived, and is able to handle an automatic weapon.
She then shoots the arachnids and makes a run for it because a fallen soldier is about to detonate a portable nuke. At the last moment, she jumps into a ravine, escaping the blast.
She then emerges with Johnny out of the cave into the sunlight with the rest of the victorious troopers. They caught the brain bug!
She rejoices with the rest of the gang, then walks away arm-in-arm with Johnny and Neil Patrick Harris optimistic about the War Against The Bug.
I wish I could be like Denise. She never calls for a medic; never passes out; doesn't bleed to death; and is able to put the glow of victory above her mangled shoulder and chest.
What else is there to say about Starship Troopers? Only that there are at least a dozen other funny sequences leading up to Denise's valiant performance of her duty.
Show up lobotomized, and you'll love Starship Troopers.
Reply #22. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Jesus Thorn
The biggest problem I have with this movie is that Denise Richards DIDN'T BLEED TO DEATH!
Reply #23. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by David Wooldridge
I think the person who did the review who said this was a good movie disguised as a really bad movie has a point (but I don't necessarily agree with). The idea of the movie Starship Troopers, as I read it, was about militarism like the novel, but it took the polar opposite view of it. The movies point seemed to be about how silly militarism was, about how patriotic fervor and rushing off to "fight the good fight" simply results in alot of young people dying horrible, pointless deaths on some distant rock. In that way, it comes across brilliantly, though I don't agree with it. Now, I'm a big fan of Heinleins work (despite some of his later stuff with tends to be rant heavy) and I kind of found the fact that they went in the complete opposite direction of book (one of the points of the book is tha militarism is necessary for the survival of the state) a bit offensive. Starship Troopers is a very thought provoking novel. I don't agree with all of Heinleins politics and I found the society in the book a bit disturbing, but to take the name and some of the names of the characters and then trash the whole point of the very well written novel to me is wrong. They shouldn't step all over his work like that.
Reply #24. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by m_dude
this is, in my opinion, the best film on this site. If you have see the DVD commentary, you learn at the end that the film wasn't supposed to be about attacking bugs at all. It was trying to say that the government isn't always right. But I think Rob Heinlein, who wrote the novel, could've created a better scenario for who the troope had to fight rather than fictional planets with oversized bugs. I haven't seen the film for a while, but i I think there was this bug who was this gigantic blue glob who sat in the middle of outer space and destroyed ships. No meterors. No sattelites. Just ships. You'd think it'd destroy everything around it wouldn't you?
>>i have an e-mail address. i don't wanna leave it and get stupid offers from businesses
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