THE FOG
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1980 AVCO Embassy Pictures
| | Reviewed by Max Gardner
on 'a long time ago' |
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- Stevie Wayne - Adrienne Barbeau! Antonio Bay's only radio personality.
- Elizabeth - Jamie Lee Curtis! A hitchhiker picked up by Nick.
- Nick - A guy. What he does for a living is never clear. We assume he's a fisherman.
- Father Malone - Hal Holbrook! Local priest who seems to spend most of his time with Jim Beam.
- Mrs. Williams - Janet Leigh, of Psycho fame. Chairwoman of Antonio Bay's 100th birthday celebration.
- Andy - Stevie's obnoxious little twerp of a son.
- Dan - Weatherman who yearns for Stevie's affections. Killed by ghosts.
- Sandy - Mrs. Williams' assistant.
- Mrs. Kobritz - Andy's nanny. Disemboweled.
- Mr. Machen - Drunk old sailor who tells kids ghost stories.
- Dr. Phibes - Local doctor and less-than-subtle reference to the Dr. Phibes movies.
- Three Men on a boat - Fodder. One guy gets an ice pick in both eyes.
- The Ghosts - Undead sailors with bad complexions.
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| A crew of leprous sailors crashes on the rocks off Spivey Point, led by a false signal fire started by six colonists who don't like the idea of a community of lepers just offshore. A century after the deed was done, they return to the now-thriving town of Antonio Bay in search of the six original conspirators and their lost gold. The Fog scared the hell out of me, but only in ten to twenty-minute stretches. The pace is a bit slow and a higher body count would have done it a world of good, but this is certainly one of John Carpenter's better films. Now, a typical slasher uses a single weapon of choice: Jason Voorhees (usually) had his machete, Freddy Krueger had his fingers, and the Gorton's fisherman had his hook. The ghosts in The Fog use everything at once: hooks, sickles, machetes, ice picks, whatever is handy. The few onscreen kills are suitably juicy, but prepare for stretches of dialogue that's not quite bad enough to be entertaining and not quite good enough remove The Fog from the annals of b-cinema.
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Ghosts don't like glass, phone lines, and electrical devices.
- It takes a special kind of idiot to open the door for a shadowy figure with a hook.
- Priests are masters of stealth.
- Wood is susceptible to spontaneous combustion.
- Shorting phone lines sound like battling elephant seals.
- The town sheriff will walk at a leisurely pace to answer an emergency call.
- Your car will ALWAYS get stuck in the mud when you're trying to get away from a gang of murderous ghosts.
- Getting a rusty meat hook through your shoulder hurts.
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- 12 mins - Credits still rolling.
- 19 mins - Ouch! (Cutlass through the back, repeated hook to the chest.)
- 20 mins - Ouch! (Ice pick to the eyes.)
- 34 mins - That altar is pink. Must be my TV.
- 60 mins - Natural human reaction to cold supernatural fog: "Hold on, I'm gonna check this out."
- 67 mins - The ghosts are trying to kill an old person - they can't be all bad.
- 68 mins - Sounds like Mrs. Kobritz turned into a sheet before the ghosts ripped her apart.
- 81 mins - Ouch! (Hook to the shoulder.)
- 87 mins - That sounded... ...crunchy.
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- Stevie: "Keep me turned on for a while, and I'll try my best to do the same for you."
- Andy: "First it was a gold coin, and then it turned into this neat piece of wood!"
- Dr. Phibes: "See, the water acts like ice."
- Stevie: "That driftwood you found - what was it doing?"
- Andy: "I told you, first it was a gold coin, and then it turned into the wood."
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | thefog1.wav
| Stevie: "I'm high tonight in the KAB lighthouse on Spivey Point. And, in case you've forgotten, it's April 21st and a happy birthday for Antonio Bay."
| | thefog2.wav
| Stevie: "Well, my gauges must be wrong. I've got a wind blowing due east. Now, what kind of a fog moves against the wind?"
| | thefog3.wav
| Elizabeth: "Ever since you picked things have been going wrong: the clock broke, the windows have been breaking, the weirdo at the door last night..."
Nick: "That isn't you!"
Elizabeth: "I'm not so sure. Things seem to happen to me."
| | thefog4.wav
| Mrs. Williams: "Are you going to give the benediction tonight, Father?"
Father Malone: "Antonio Bay has a curse on it."
Sandy: "Do we take that as a 'no?'"
| | thefog5.wav
| Stevie: "To the ships at sea who can hear my voice. Look across the water, into the darkness. Look for the fog."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | thefog1.mpg
- 1.8m
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| Don't tell mom, the babysitter was killed by the fog...
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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