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THE WILLIES - 3 Slimes
Rated PG-13
Copyright 1991 Turner Home Entertainment
Reviewed by Adam Eshack on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Michael - Played by Sean Astin ("Rudy"). Friendly, but strange jock. Stuck hanging out with his annoying cousins, Kyle and Josh, while telling old campfire tales to each other. Henry's his dad.
  • Kyle and Josh - Michael's annoying cousins. Josh loves to tell gross jokes and Kyle often yells at him. Killed by Henry.
  • Henry (a.k.a. Mr. Jenkins) - Michael's dad. A scrawny little monster in disguise at different schools as a janitor to eat bratty kids.
  • Miss Titmarsh - The psycho 4th grade teacher. Loves to make fun of Danny. She's eaten by Henry.
  • Danny Hollister - Little geek who is often picked on by Rudy, Brad, and Lance. Friends with Henry.
  • Rudy, Brad, and Lance - Macho school bullies who often pick on Danny. Eaten by Henry.
  • Gordy Belcher - Rude, fat kid with a lisp and a weird obsession for dead flies, gets his arms torn off.
  • Farmer Spivey - Crazy old goon who makes a secret manure ingredient that causes objects to grow; hates Gordy's guts and gives him the manure to feed to his flies.
  • Mr. and Mrs. Belcher - Gordy's fighting parents who have to put up with their weirdo son. Dad often insults him. Both are killed by Gordy's manure fueled flies.
  • Jenny - Pretty girl who kinda likes Gordy, until he feeds her cookies with dead flies in them.
  • Poodle Lady - A stupid old woman who puts her poodle in a microwave.
  • Poodle - Cute puppy. Blown up by his stupid owner when put in a microwave.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Michael has his two annoying cousins Kyle and Josh over for vacation and they all decide to tell each other horror stories in a tent to try and give each other the willies. They tell a bunch of different stories which involve a fat KFC-eating woman eating a fried rat, an old mans death in a haunted house ride, an old lady putting her poodle in a microwave, a nerd feeding his teacher and school bullies to a monster which turns out to be the school janitor (!), and a fat kids obsession with dead flies, which soon gets serious when his flies become powered with a special manure. This is a silly and predictable, but very funny and watchable b-film. It seems like it was written by a 6 year old kid, but the director and the cast of familiar faces are great and the humor is done in a good, campy, tongue-in-cheek fashion. I found it on sale at the video store I work for, for 5 bucks and I am proud to own it. This is as bad and as fun as b-movies get. This is best to watch with the friends to have some good laughs. Besides, how can you resist a movie with the tagline "You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll puke, you'll die."

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Those joyful Kentucky Fried Chicken employees often like to feed their customers fried rats instead of chicken.
  • Putting puppies in the microwave isn't such a good idea.
  • Close-ups of fat women stuffing their faces is gross.
  • Collecting dead flies is a pretty nasty hobby.
  • School janitors are actually flesh eating monsters that feed on school bullies.
  • Lightning bugs look like rotating green mini light bulbs.
  • To impress a girl, feed her cookies with dead flies in them.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 1 min - Like I'm sure those are supposed to be lightening bugs.
  • 15 mins - Those bullies are really frightening. Look at how hard Rudy kicks Danny.
  • 16 mins - Somebody shut Mr. Jenkins up from singing.
  • 28 mins - Would you believe this kid if he told you a monster was in the bathroom?
  • 30 mins - Miss Titmarsh obviously must be deaf if she can't hear that monster coming right from behind her.
  • 32 mins - Wow, Danny's jeans dried up fast after that accident.
  • 33 mins - MESS-UP: Look at the toilet in the overhead shot, suddenly all that blood and mess in the toilet has cleaned itself up.
  • 38 mins - Man, now it's back to Mr. Jenkins singing those annoying songs. Shut up already!
  • 48 mins - Attack of the plastic fly!
  • 57 mins - All right, now I think we get the point that Gordy's a weirdo.
  • 66 mins - Wow, "Growing Pains" is on TV, Kirk Cameron and Tracey Gold must've had a hard time squeezing their busy schedules to make a cameo for this film.
  • 68 mins - All right, now enough with the dream sequences.
  • 81 mins - MESS-UP: Hey, it's the boom mike making a rather long cameo above Gordy. (Look through his window.)

Quotes: 

  • Fat Lady: "I'd like the FIFTEEN PIECE BUCKET and a LARGE CHOCOLATE SHAKE!"
  • Brad: "Maybe Danny took a crap and thought it was a monster."
  • Danny: "The monster got Mr. Jenkins, it KILLED him! The monster KILLED Mr. Jenkins! It pulled off his head!"
  • Gordy's Dad: "Other kids play baseball and go to school dances. Other boys are interested in girls... ...hell, other kids even have some friends. All you do is sit downstairs in the dark and play with those... ...FILTHY DAMN FLIES!"
  • Gordy: "If I'm not home soon, my parent's are calling the cops."
    Farmer Spivey: "If you're not home soon, your parents are going to have a party!"
  • Horny teenager with girlfriend: "Get me the Gettysberg nuggets... ...to go!"
  • Farmer Spivey: "You just get outta here right now, before me and old Bessie here decide to perform a little primitive weight reduction!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note thewillies1.wav Kyle: "Whoa, wait a minute. This isn't that dumb story about the time you and your friends found that pirate ship in an old cave..."
Green Music Note thewillies2.wav Mr. Jenkins: "Hey, you know this ain't a public hanging, you kids ought to be back in your classes."
Green Music Note thewillies3.wav Danny: "Mrs. Titmarsh, Mrs. Titmarsh! There's a monster in the bathroom, a monster's in the bathroom!"
Mrs. Titmarsh: "Quiet down."
Green Music Note thewillies4.wav Farmer Spivey: "You just get outta here right now, before me and old Bessie here decide to perform a little primitive weight reduction!"
Green Music Note thewillies5.wav Gordy's Dad: "Other boys are interested in girls... ...hell, other kids even have some friends. All you do is sit downstairs in the dark and play with those... ...filthy damn flies!"
Green Music Note thewillies6.wav Gordy's Mom: "Gordy for God's sake, you made a girl eat dead flies!"

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipthewillies1.mpg - 2.4m
Poodle in a microwave

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1]
The Willies
Reply #1. Posted on May 23, 2000, 11:02:18 AM by Thundercracker
This is a great flick.  I saw it when I was about ten, I think, and it stuck with me after one veiwing that long ago.  My favorite line is referring to the fat woman eating the rat.  "It must have gave her the urge to regurge."  
The Willies
Reply #2. Posted on June 24, 2000, 10:47:54 PM by StatCat
Brian Peck's (stared in all three Return of the Living Dead movies. Most noteable as Scuz the punk with the mohawk from the first flim) badly directed movie! Loved it
The Willies
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Chadzilla
I remember when this movie came out on video.  A tie in comic book was released that I saw for about two nano seconds, haven't seen the movie though.  Looks cool to me.
The Willies
Reply #4. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Peter
In this movie there are three short, 1-minute long stories and two long, half-hour ones. The story of the woman going into a resteraunt and getting a chicken-fried rat, and the old lady who dries off her poodle in the microwave are both based on commonly-told urban legends. I hadn't heard of the story of the old man dying on an amusement park ride, but that is certainly something I could see happening.

The story of the monster in the school bathroom seems to me a hell of a lot like this one Stephen King short story,"Here There Be Tigers", which can be found in his book SKELETON CREW. In King's story, a little boy asks for permission in class from his mean teacher, Ms. Bird, if he can go to the bathroom so he can pee. The teacher lets him go, but when he gets there, he finds that somehow, someway a tiger has gotten at the far end of the bathroom and is lying in wait. The kid is unable to use the bathroom, and soon another kid from his class is sent to see what happened to him. That other kid is soon eaten. Then our protagonist, desperate to p**s, goes in a sink, and then Ms. Bird comes and sees him. She promises to punish him as soon as she fetches the other little boy...and then heads to where the tiger is.

The last story, about the kid with a bug obsession, I thought was pretty damn boring. It just took too long to really get going. However, I did think it was really cool when the kid has a dream that he turns on T.V. and sees an episode of CHARLES IN CHARGE where the main character is collecting bugs.
Re: The Willies
Reply #5. Posted on October 11, 2008, 06:48:00 PM by Norman
This movie speaks volumes about our society today!  Kids are smarter than their parents and teachers give them credit for.  Stories like this always have at least a germ of truth to them. They are the stories of legend handed down through the ages. It is a low budget film that could use some polish but I think if it had a bigger release back in the day, it would have inspired at least one sequel.
Re: The Willies
Reply #6. Posted on November 24, 2008, 11:36:42 AM by Zach
Me nad my friend saw this when we were like 5 0r 7. Were both eighteen right now and we finnally got the nerve to look it up again. It still scares the bejesus out of me. I can't even take a p**s in peace without the fear of a crap monster coming down from a vent and eating me. TeddyR
Re: The Willies
Reply #7. Posted on November 24, 2008, 11:43:41 AM by WilliamWeird1313


Oh holy crap! This is one major stinker. I'd never seen this until about 7 months ago, when one of my friends showed it to me on V.H.S. My eyes will never forget the sight of the kid who played Donkeylips on Salute Your Shorts getting tortured by dudes in giant, poorly executed, house fly costumes.

Still, the one Goonies joke in the movie is friggin' hilarious!

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Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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