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STINGRAY :
STINGRAY - 2 Slimes
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 23 October 2007

Capsule Review:    

In response to deadly attacks against UN nuclear submarines, the World Aquanaut Security Patrol is ordered into action. Stingray flies out of its underwater dock and accelerates to 600 knots. Egad, but that is fast. Can you say "cavitation" with me? If Greenpeace thinks that powerful sonar causes injuries to marine animals, what do you think that kind of underwater turbulence will do to a dolphin? Turn it into cream of fish soup, that is what.

Yes, I know that dolphins are not fish. Away, knave!

The sneak attacks are being carried out by a submarine that looks like a huge fish and Stingray is caught off guard. Phones hears the fish on his sonar, but disregards it. Right after that fateful call, Stingray is disabled by a direct hit from the fish ship's torpedo. The men are trapped on the bottom of the ocean, facing certain death. Both of them pass out. When Troy wakes up, he is in Titan's clutches (Titan is the aquatic version of Stalin).

Titan puts Troy on trial. I do not like the justice system used in the underwater city of Titanica. The accused is placed in front of a big, stupid-looking fish. If the fish turns away before one marine minute passes, you are guilty and put to death. Troy spends a full minute trying to keep the fat fish interested in him. He might as well have been trying to confuse a cat. The fish floats there, mouth gaping and all googly-eyed, before suddenly becoming interested in something in the back of its tank. Our stalwart captain is doomed to sleep with the fishes.

I assume that, considering how ridiculous the judicial system is in Titanica, capital punishment involves being fired out of a torpedo tube into the Mariana Trench or other such nonsense. However, Troy and Phones are spared a quick trip into the abyss by Merina. She might be just a slave, but her watery heart bursts with the thunder of freedom. She frees Troy and Phones; the men overcome their guards and hitch Stingray to the fish submarine. Following the tactical retreat to headquarters, Merina is added to the rolls of active duty WASP personnel. Atlanta is not very happy about the competition.


Things I Learned From This Show:  

Green Dot The B-58 Hustler is capable of VTOL operations.
Green Dot Citizens of the underwater realms speak pig Japanese.
Green Dot Mermaids are the tow truck drivers of the sea.

Stuff To Watch For:  

Green Dot 4 mins - What if one of the technicians didn't check the TM and put too much grease on the injector tube poles? The pair of you would shoot down way too fast and end up as red stains on the deck.
Green Dot 14 mins - "But Father, it's albatross nesting season. Think of the cute little chicks!"
Green Dot 22 mins - Those are the worst looking novelties that I have ever seen. Did anybody do a market study? Are people looking for scaled fishman bobble heads?

Buy It Now Online:  

Buy it from Amazon.com   (United States)

Buy it from Movies Unlimited   (United States)


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FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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