|Copyright 1962 Fairway International.
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Eegah - Richard Kiel! Ancient caveman, the only water available to him was full of sulfur and it evidently prolonged his life. Needed to grow a bulletproof vest and gills to survive this movie.
- Roxy - It's the old "woman in her thirties trying to pass for a teenager" gag! I love that one!
- Tom - Fugly guy (verified through several female sources) who is Roxy's boyfriend. With his singing voice you have to wonder if he cracks more mirrors or glasses each day. I'm taking bets.
- Mr. Miller - Roxy's wealthy father. Not great at photography, not great at writing, not so good at walking either.
- Boredom - As much a star of this film as the four jokers listed above.
|Eegah? More like YEE GODS! Repeated over and over in mockery of that female parrot in your high school play. Good Lord what did the human race do to deserve this movie?
Few things make me shudder like a really horrid song, call it the artist in me screaming for a true and final death, but guitars should require a background check and waiting period. For some strange reason you will look forward to Tom flaying the musical beast, they tend to be the few times you are not bored to tears. Okay, enough advertising masochism for now, the next sentence (or paragraph, depends how creative I can get) will describe the plot.
It turns out a towering caveman (read: unwashed Richard Kiel wearing an animal carcass) has been dwelling in the desert near Palm Springs since the dawn of time. By a freak accident (read: the plot) Roxy is the first modern human to encounter him, although "almost running him down because the stupid Neanderthal is standing in the middle of the road" is more accurate. Mr. Miller decides to go looking for the living fossil and does indeed meet Eegah. Unfortunately he trips during the encounter and manages to inflict the same amount damage on himself that you would expect when jumping off a two story building onto concrete. When dad fails to show up the two lovers go looking for him in the dune buggy.
Of course Eegah grabs Roxy when her hideous boyfriend isn't looking and carries the girl back to his cave. There she finds dad, looking like he went three rounds with Mike Tyson, and a number of mummified cavemen! It's only a matter of time before the hulking brute grows tired of introducing Roxy to his dead ancestors and making her drink sulfur water. He realizes that this is a woman and he should do, um, something with her. Everyone knows that after being sexually inactive for several hundred years it takes some time to get back in a groove, but right after he decides ripping her clothes off is a good start Tom shows up. Talk about a mood breaker!
Despite a knuckle biting chase with everyone in the dune buggy and the caveman on foot the movie doesn't stop there, it just keeps on giving. You still get to watch what happens when Eegah follows the trio into Palm Springs.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Musicians take their sacred oaths using Elvis Presley albums vice bibles.
- Gas station attendants are expert trackers.
- Falling down on soft sand will knock you unconscious and break your arm.
- Women do not mind when their boyfriends sing about other girls.
- When people are having fun they say, "Weeee!"
- Daffodils grow wild in arid regions.
- False beards are hard to cut.
- All the hip kids bring their parents to parties.
- 2 mins - One has to wonder how Egyptologists feel about painting movie credits on mummies.
- 4 mins - Hehehe! Someone is shining a spotlight in front of that car to emulate the headlights, but why?
- 14 mins - Obviously a remote area, there are bulldozer tracks everywhere.
- 16 mins - I don't know why Eegah being frightened by the helicopter makes me laugh, it just does.
- 26 mins - Your girlfriend's name is "Roxy" you moron, not "Vicki" or "Valerie."
- 35 mins - Eegah and Ro-Man are roommates it seems.
- 42 mins - Where did that big bone come from? Did he kill a cow, um, that was living in the desert?
- 47 mins - Horny toads!
- 90 mins - Genesis, chapter four, verse thirty-two?
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Mr. Williams: "Honey, a prehistoric monster is a rather large order to swallow." |
Roxy: "Dad, I didn't say he was a monster, he was a giant! You know, a caveman!"
||Mr. Williams: "Eegah!" |
Roxy: "Is that his name?"
Mr. Williams: "It might be, that's the word he says most of the time."
||Roxy: "I'm not going to leave you to get your head bashed in, my father didn't raise me that way."
|Theme Song|| Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. |
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Swamprat
Saw this one years ago...missed the MST3K cover of it...I'd love to see that. The reason Arch Hall Jr. got into movies and music was his father Arch Sr. Dad was the money and motivation behind the scenes. He also wrote directed and even acted in several of them under stage names. He invisioned Archie boy as a new Frankie Avalon...maybe Frankie Avalon if he'd been jabbed in the face with a hot poker. Sorry Arch...damn... you were an ugly kid...I should know, I was too. Any one with a Fender in his hands in those days was passed off as a crazy Rock-n-Roll wonder...sorry here Arch...I CAN play guitar...But I can't sing any better than you did. Maybe if I had a star crossed old man footing the bill, I'd been in a movie like this one instead of you...and people would be picking on me all the time and you'd get some peace. Arch Jr. went on to become a piliot and that was the last I ever heard about him. I loved Kiels beard...I think they bought that sucker at Woolworths. When I saw this film years ago, I too laughed at the thirty something girl as a teenager...the next time I saw it, on video...I said well, at least she was working in movies when she was my age...now, twenty years or so later...damn! Reasonably hot chick for her place and time...regardless of how old she was supposed to be. I wonder if she's in a wheelchair somewhere now? Anyhow...this movie is boring, like a lot of famous "bad" films, it's more fun to talk about than to actually sit through. Arch wasn't any worse than the grade Z wannabes then or now. The movie had Scientists, Chicks, Dune Buggies, Fender Guitars, Rock-n-Roll, Guns, Big Scary Dude with Club...and SiFi Plot linked (picarously) with a Biblical message. It sucked up Drive-In dollars. Going to the Drive-In for these things was a blast. I was a tag along little brother in those days, and the memories are fond ones. But on TV, even through video, it's not worth the time to watch unless you have people over and do the MST3K treatment on it. Then it can be fun. Remember, see it only with a group of like thinking bad film buffs...or you'll be sorry.
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Ethan Van Sciver
You guys don't know nuthin'. Arch Hall Jr. was a trash-o-rama teen rock star and a genius. And he still is.
Reply #19. Posted on September 30, 2002, 06:58:14 PM by AlphaWoolf
Even without the MST3K treatment, this movie is a true cult classic. AFAIK, this was a cult classic almost as soon as it was released. Everyone must see this at least once!
Reply #20. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Jamie-waimy
Richard Kiel is my favorite actor! ANd I curse Arch Hall Jr for being so gruesome, even though it's not his fault, but I don't care. Kids can be so cruel. I know a girl who's liscense plate frame reads "Honk if you love Eegah!" Also Arch Hall Jr and Richard Kiel were in another movie together. It's called "Nasty Rabbit" and I think it may be about nuclear war, but I haven't seen it yet so I don't know.
Watch out for snakes!
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by James Auburn
One of the few films in the Medveds' original "Fifty Worst Films Of All Time" book that still actually make the short list today. And deservedly so.
Reply #22. Posted on May 10, 2003, 09:10:13 PM by Schirm
When Richard Kiel is BY FAR the best actor in your movie.....you have a SERIOUS...SERIOUS problem
Reply #23. Posted on June 24, 2003, 08:14:02 PM by smartmarkftw
One of the best lines Did this guy go to the torgo school of fondiling
Reply #24. Posted on September 05, 2003, 12:55:05 PM by steve kaplan
Arch Hall Jr. may not be a great actor or singer, but I loved every film he was in including his swansong NASTY RABBIT. I really sensed that he tried his best. I guess to really enjoy his films you had to be 15 or 16 when they first came out.
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