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ZARDOZ - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1973 John Boorman Productions
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Zed - Sean Connery! The ultimate in human evolution, but still an "exterminator" who wishes to destroy the Eternal society. Dies of old age.
  • Arthur Frayn - Eternal, a trickster who has orchestrated Zed's existence through selective breeding. Shot by exterminators.
  • May - Eternal, their foremost scientist. This girl has a huge number of freckles, it's almost grotesque.
  • Consuella - Eternal, she hates the male sexual organ, but falls in love with Zed for some reason. Dies of old age.
  • Friend - Eternal, he is a prick. Shot by exterminators, that is all.
  • Star - Eternal, she's the wiggy "meditate" sort. Shot by exterminators.
  • The Eternals - Humans who never age, drawing their power from a mystic "tabernacle."

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Where can you find Sean Connery running around in a loincloth, worshipping a HUGE FLYING STONE HEAD (hehehehe!), being hounded by naked women, and battling immortals? The seventies baby, the seventies...

...oh boy, where do I start with this one? Zed begins as a total ape man, but in the end we discover he is the pinnacle of human evolution! Even turns back time at one point; it took me a few viewings to decide that was indeed what happened. So he starts off a Neanderthal man, but finds out Zardoz (the GIANT FLYING STONE HEAD) is really a construct used by other men to control his people. That pisses him off. Do not piss off Sean Connery in a loincloth.

Bent on revenge, he hides inside the head and travels to "Vortex Four" where the "Homo Eternals" live. After running into random naked woman number one (Star, and she's riding a horse?) he is captured by May. The Eternals can do this neat paralyze-brutals-with-my-eyes thing. The immortals decide to study him and his presence causes all sorts of problems in their already dysfunctional society. It seems people were not meant to be immortal. They go insane in some fashion after a time - becoming renegades or apathetics.

I liked the apathetics. Friend had a tendancy to just walk around screwing with them and Zed tries to have sex with one girl. She does not respond, it annoyes ape boy, and he shotputs her! Eventually Zed finds a way to destroy the Tabernacle and free his masters from the imprisonment of living. At the same time all of his exterminator friends show up and start shooting people. They love it (the people being shot). It is like a party; there's even a band playing (until somebody shoots them).

May, and a few choice women who Zed impregnated, escape to continue evolution while he and Consuella take refuge in a cave. After that we get a time lapse section: they have a kid, he grows up, he leaves, they turn into skeletons, the end. Still can not figure out how him and Consuella fell in love. She spends most of the movie being a feminist penis hater. Definately a well, creative film.

NOTE: I am sick and tired of people saying that I "did not get" this film. Apparently, you people have not watched the DVD with its commentary track. Want to know something? Boorman does not "get it" either. Most of the commentary consists of stuff like, "The head itself is a model." (duhhhhh) or, "She was really looking forward to being raped by Sean Connery." He also devotes an enormous amount of effort to talking about how little money they had for the production. The only major thought in this film is that people were not meant to live forever. If you like the movie, that is well and good. Trying to see more in it than the director is fooling yourself.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Having a disembodied head for your announcer is not a good start.
  • Ammo can be a fashion statement.
  • Your memories are from a third person perspective!
  • Nets look pretty sexy on a girl.
  • Erections sound like guitars.
  • If you kiss a girl and she doesn't kiss back - SHOTPUT HER ASS!
  • Immortality causes impotency.
  • Human genetic structure looks like a jellyfish or euglena. (Oh stop looking at me and find a dictionary.)
  • Flowers are an impassable barrier.
  • Sean Connery looks pretty darn good in a wedding dress, sets a guy to thinking...
  • People can remain in one place for sixty years.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - OH YEAH? Who used a cheap marker to draw that ugly ass goatee on your face?
  • 4 mins - It's a GIANT FLYING STONE HEAD!
  • 11 mins - Why are those people vacuum wrapped?
  • 18 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 30 mins - Sean Connery just licked that guy's hand!
  • 41 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST THE APATHETIC WOMAN!
  • 44 mins - Naked female mud wrestling? They do have a superior culture...
  • 53 mins - Man, thank goodness that scene is done with.
  • 65 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST THE APATHETIC WOMAN!
  • 79 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOTS!

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note zardoz1.wav Arthur Frayn: "I am Arthur Frayn and I am Zardoz. I have lived three hundred years and I long to die, but death is no longer possible, I am immortal."
Green Music Note zardoz2.wav Zardoz: "The gun is good."
(Exterminators chant back)
Zardoz: "The penis is evil, the penis shoots seeds."
(Silence from the chanting dudes now.)
Green Music Note zardoz3.wav May: "No brutal has ever penetrated a vortex. It therefore requires study."
Green Music Note zardoz4.wav Tabernacle: "Arthur Frayn died. Reconstruction has begun."

 
Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipzardoz1.mpg - 3.1m
Zed just kissed this woman and she didn't respond so he is obviously wondering what is wrong. Friend tries explaining everything, but the only result is that our violent hero decides to shotput the poor woman!

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 11
Zardoz
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Greg
I helped my then girlfriend, now wife do a paper on the movie when it was newly out, I think 1970.  I had to see it about 3 times to get all the varied plot lines running through it and I have to say, each time I saw it something else occurred to me.  Some interesting notes: 30 years or more ago this movie touched on a variety of hotly debated issues and technological improvements most had not even come close to thinking about at the time.  How about genetic engineering for starters or the fact that we are now using CD-RW drives that create optical storage and I think we are getting close to the type of "crystalline" storage technology that was used in the movie (remember the ring or at the end the crystal that he was supposedly inside of...that part was a bit strange). The concept of nearly infinite storage of data inside crystals was a huge leap in science fiction.
Zardoz
Reply #18. Posted on August 25, 2000, 08:03:39 PM by Mr BaliHai
Pound for pound, Zardoz has more great ideas than a lot of other contemporary films of the 70s. Boorman did a lot of research on the movie's higher concepts and even went so far as to spend some time living in a commune to get ideas about how to flesh out his concepts of the Vortex and the Immortals.

The problems with this film lie mostly with Boorman's uneven execution. At times it seems like performance art or sketch comedy gone horribly awry. Part of this is just the way things were in the 70s, part of it was just Boorman's style, and the rest of it was probably drugs.
Zardoz
Reply #19. Posted on September 01, 2000, 03:25:03 AM by UNITA
I really enjoyed this movie, but it is an elegant warning to those who choose to direct, produce and write movies
Zardoz
Reply #20. Posted on October 23, 2000, 11:39:06 AM by Chris
This movie could have been a great bad movie.  It had all the elements that would have made it an interesting scifi flick. Unfortunately, the final product was a disjointed and uninteresting film totally devoid of humor and that illusive element that draws you into the film and makes you want to care about the characters.  It had its brief moments, but overall it rates a thumbs down.
Zardoz
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by William S.
I remember seeing this movie when it came out under the influence of a small amount of herbal THC and having absolutely no idea what I was seeing, only that it was really, really DEEP.  It made a big splash at the time as having Sean Connery and a bunch of weird s**t, but it disappeared from the theatres after like a month because it was totally...um, indescribable.  Like, the Man From Uncle was really futuristic at this time.  So, seeing it again, I find pretty much the same thing: What the hell was this about?  My e-mail address was Xardox for 10 years because of my memories about this movie.  Well, now I've gone to some other obscure allusion.
Zardoz
Reply #22. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Carl Horn
Hmmmm. I finally saw this the other evening. I think it's both true that it was from the great era of stoner science-fiction films and that it at least attempted to be a film of ideas (unlike so many of today's SF films which are basically about space monsters and rayguns). In its surrealistic (Rene Magritte is referenced at one point, on a print in the Vortex room that Zed first explores) and even absurdist approach it was probably meant to reflect some of the New Wave of SF styles that were developed in the 1960s, such as Ballard and Dick. It is also true that cracks about the result resembling a Monty Python sketch or Rennaisance Fair are dead-on. In its own strange way, though, ZARDOZ remains more interesting a SF film than many of today's sterile big-budget spectaculars.
Zardoz
Reply #23. Posted on February 03, 2001, 09:20:25 AM by Anton Zoref
I love the music and wish a proper soundtrack would be released on CD.The ending with Sean Charlotte and the boy aging is one of the greatest movie-scenes ever.
Zardoz
Reply #24. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by CDub
The Classical score has a good feel just like Boarman's _Excalibur_.  Basically, this movie went a lot farther into the territory of an inevitably failed utopia than I can ever remember seeing on screen.  For that reason alone I give it credit.  The way I see it is if you feel the urge to watch _Logan's Run_ try this instead.

I like the freedom available to the director because of the time it was made in, I suppose.  This film is a failure of sorts I certainly don't mind pilfering through and exposing others to.
 
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