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Janet(USE YOUR WATER GUNS NOW AND COVER YOUR HEADS WITH NEWSPAPER.) KICK THE TIRE ASSHOLE! BUY AN UMBRELLA YOU CHEAP BITCH! SLUTS CAN'T READ! LIGHT UP THE SIGN PLEASE. THANK YOU! HEY JANET, LOOK OUT FOR THE SLUT EATING TREE! (FLICK YOUR LIGHTER OR FLASHLIGHT ON DURING THIS CHORUS AND TURN THEM OFF AT THE WORD DARKNESS.) In the velvet darkness... ...of the blackest night... ...burning bright... ...there's a guiding star. IT WAS A PLANET JANET. No matter what WHEN, WHERE, WHY, AND HOW. or, who you are. WHAT'S IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR? There's a light, over at the EPCOTT CENTER. Frankenstein place. There's a light, burning in the fireplace. There's a light, a light, in the darkness of everybody's life. ONE! TWO! THREE!
Riff RaffSING IT RIFF! Darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. HOW ABOUT A CLOSE-UP RIFF? Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming into my life. RIFF! LOOK OUT FOR THE INDOOR LIGHTNING MACHINE! Into my life...
JanetThere's a light, over at the EPCOTT CENTER Frankenstein place. GRATEFUL DEAD! GRATEFUL DEAD! There's a light, burning in the fireplace. There's a light, a light, in the darkness of everybody's life.
CriminologistHEY, WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE? THANK YOU! And so it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet, and that they had found the assistance that their plight required. Or had they?
JanetOh Brad, let's go back! I'm cold and I'm frightened? WHY DOES JANET HAVE A CONDOM IN HER HAIR?
BradJust a moment Janet. They may have a phone. DING DONG, ASSHOLE CALLING.
Riff RaffSAY HELLO RIFF! Hello...
BradHi! My name's Brad Majors ASSHOLE. and this is my fiancee' Janet Weiss. SLUT! I wonder if you might help us, you see, our car broke down a few miles up the road. Do you have a phone we might use?
Riff RaffYou're wet... NO SHIT SHERLOCK!
JanetYes, it's raining. NO SHIT SHIRLEY!
Riff RaffDO YOU FUCK YOUR SISTER? Yes... GET PARANOID RIFF. ...I think perhaps you'd better both come inside. I DON'T THINK THAT I CAN COME THAT FAR!
JanetSAY SOMETHING NICE JANET. You're too kind. HEY BRAD, SHOW US HOW ASSHOLES FLY. WE SEE YOU MAGENTA! Oh Brad, I'm frightened! What kind of place is this?
BradOh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdoes. YEAH RICH WEIRDOES!
JanetAre you having a party?
Riff RaffYou've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs. WHICH ONE?
JanetOh, lucky him.
MagentaYou're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, THE BANISTER'S LUCKY! we're all lucky!

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